Sam and Cj on the eve of Raksha Babdhan
Raksha Bandhan (Hindi: रक्षाबंधन, Punjabi: ਰਕਸ਼ਾਬੰਧਨ, Urdu: رکشا بندھن the bond of protection), or Rakhi (Hindi: राखी, Punjabi: ਰਾਖੀ, Urdu: راکھی), is a festival primarily observed in North India, which celebrates the relationship between brothers and sisters. The festival is observed by Hindus, Sikhs, and Muslims. The central ceremony involves the tying of a rakhi (sacred thread) by a sister on her brother’s wrist. This symbolizes the sister’s love and prayers for her brother’s well-being, and the brother’s lifelong vow to protect her.
I have to wonder why such an important occasion hasn’t managed to spread more widely, as a celebration of the bonds between brothers and sisters is noticeably lacking in most of the world, a reality that undervalues a relationship that should be extolled, rhapsodized and encouraged toward its great potential.
As a thread in the fabric of society, the tensile strength of the tie linking sister to brother has the capacity to weave a structure than can stand strong against much that will rip the loosely knitted to shreds, but today the apparent impetus is to sever this particular attachment.
Too often it seems competition between siblings is created as a tool in families where divide and conquer props a power base or love and acceptance are doled out in doses. Pitted against each other, weakness can be manipulated, strength may morph into bullying and an every-child-for-himself mentality can result contributing greatly to the ME, ME, ME issues discussed in yesterday’s post.
Sibling rivalry has become an accepted component of family life in many cultures, an expected reaction …
David Levy introduced the term “sibling rivalry” in 1941, claiming that for an older sibling “the aggressive response to the new baby is so typical that it is safe to say it is a common feature of family life.”
Is there a question as to why brother/sister relationships aren’t celebrated in an atmosphere of anticipated conflict? Not according to this article in Psychology Today:
Western culture has an obsession with sibling rivalry that began with the story of Cain and Abel and was elaborated by Freud, who labeled and dwelt on the competition between siblings for parental love and attention. It’s colored our perception of sibship ever since. Therapists and lay people alike tend to view the relationship largely as one of struggle and controversy. We have no rituals that make, break, or celebrate the sibling bond. And family experts have underemphasized the sibling relationship, instead concentrating on parents and children and husbands and wives. Small wonder that sibling rivalry is accepted as the normal state of affairs.
More than a world apart are the views of western culture –Cain and Able and Sigmund — from the roots that celebrate the connection:
Raksha Bandhan was a ritual followed by Lord Yama (the Lord of Death) and his sister Yamuna, (the river in northern India). Yamuna tied rakhi to Yama and bestowed immortality. Yama was so moved by the serenity of the occasion that he declared that whoever gets a rakhi tied from his sister and promised her protection, will become immortal.
How incredibly sad it is that so many of us were never shown the path that was wide enough to walk together, but rather steered toward a harder, lonelier road where independence was valued over attachment to those who should be our closest allies, the sharers of our history, fellow inmates in the involuntary incarceration a family can represent.
Could it be that something as simple as incorporating a ceremony into our culture, a commemoration of the value of brothers and sisters, might teach us to treasure the ties and accept the significance of very real bonds?
It certainly couldn’t hurt.
With that thought, we’re observing Raksha Bandhan and encouraging others to take advantage of the day to celebrate threads too often forgotten.
Our brothers and sisters are there with us from the dawn of our personal stories to the inevitable dusk.
~ Susan Scarf Merrell
A collection of my short stories:
I'm in this one, too ...
And I'm in here, as well ...
~smiles~ I love the celebration of Raksha bandhan though I have never celebrated it myself, ending up as a only child by default even though I am not. And I agree with you whole heatedly that sibling rivalry is a concoction of the western world. Bonds between siblings is somewhat different in the Asian world (excuse my broad generalization) but I think that again comes down a certain maintained hierarchy within the families. To be honest I think many of the problems we have be it physical or psychological are manifested by ourselves. I remember well being a child in school and the general attitude the teachers were that if you were second generation emigrant you HAD issues, I mean you must have been caught between the worlds. Things I never even thought of at all. But they would teach in such a manner (and of course I do have issues but the not the kind they were thinking)
I was looking forward to your take, Bobby.
Being told to expect issues is something like having someone tell you you’re tired … yawns can happen even if it’s far from the truth. It can also provide one hell of an excuse to behave badly just to live up to the expectation.
Setting sibling bonds as a high priority seems a great gift to give children.
~smiles~ in that case I hope I did not disappoint 🙂 I agree, we are kind of back to your riot article and the discussion I have with people about training and obesity, its all about blame instead of responsibility and choices. We make it ok to have a reason to act like a jackass. I agree, I mean in most part of asia you don’t even call your elder sibling by name but by “brother” or “sister” even friends with a significant age difference or respect you would not call by name
This topic comes up in our house occasionally. Years ago my sibs and I were together for a holiday of some sort. We do not get together often (we are trying to change this) and we do not call each other often. But we really LIKE and ENJOY being together. All credit for this goes to our mother, who tolerated us as an angry mob against her alone rather than pit us against one another.
Recently, my children had chance to be together and marveled at how much they enjoyed being together, when so many of their friends have a sibling relationship filled with strife. My husband grew up in a family that pitted each child against the other and played wild and obvious favorites. They still do and it leaves a swath of handicapping destruction.
The first thought that popped into my head yesterday when I first saw the above photo was: Sam the protector.
Sam is the protector … too much so, actually, but it seems to be his nature. Cj is his support, too. They are best friends ….