“If you must hold yourself up to your children as an object lesson, hold yourself up as a warning and not as an example.” ~ George Bernard Shaw
On this day in 1969 I gave birth to my first child. I had just turned 18 a few days before and although I had managed pregnancy and birth quite well my first face-to-face with my beautiful daughter was daunting.
After counting toes and fingers and conducting all the perfunctory checks new mothers feel compelled to perform since no one’s word will do until perfection has been established for oneself, I knew I had to fess up, and straightaway.
Holding her closely, I gazed into her lovely, aware eyes and declared: I have no idea how to be a mother, will probably screw up miserably and often … but will do the very best I can.
I have frequently repeated a version of this that insists she has grown into the woman she is — successful, happy, secure, sensible, beautiful, smart, funny and so much more — not because of, but in spite of me.
She agrees with that in some fashion, deciding long ago not to follow in any of my staggering footsteps, but rather forge a determined path of her own, one that intentionally avoided the pits I toppled into, scrabbled over obstacles and built bridges rather than burned them.
Her efforts have been rewarded. She is amazing, and she is happy.
The gift I gave the world this day 42 years ago was a contribution significant enough to validate my existence, and is the gift that keeps on giving as her daughter carries it forward.
Happy birthday, Pooh.
A collection of my short stories:
I'm in this one, too ...
And I'm in here, as well ...
Paradise Preoccupied 
Warm…………………..
Beautiful post;) Thanks S
Beautiful tribute. And to raise a daughter who can make her own decisions and forge her own way, is a tribute to you too.
In spite of me, Alexa …
42? Are you kidding? Please tell be your kidding! Oh no wonder I feel so close to the cemetery these days. ………..Happy Birthday Jennifer! I’ll always think of you when I listen to that White Zombie babe play bass!
No, Robbie. She is, indeed, 42 …
In Holland we have the custom of congratulating not only the birthday person, but also the parents and other family members, even the spouses. I never thought about that much, but after all everyone in one’s “tribe” contributes to one’s life as a whole, and most certainly the parents. So, congratulations to you with the birthday of your daughter. Clearly you did a great job, even if you didn’t know it.
What a lovely custom. Thanks.
awwww happy bday to your girl
🙂
So glad I found time to stop by – this is beautiful!
Thank you, R.
we promise to embarrass our children whenever possible, it is quite motivating for the teens. 🙂
as far as doing your best – that is all anyone can do regardless of resources. A mother picks up her child, sings to it, feeds it, plays with it, rocks it, bathes it and helps it learn to sleep and eat. provides comfort for tears and laughs during times of happiness. These are great gifts which we all take for granted. In fact these very actions provide the necessary brain wiring for all else in life.
We do not get to pick our trauma load. We do not get to pick our feelings in response to trauma. If trauma happens at a young age, we do not really make a fully informed response to the situations, merely react. People around us are oh so happy to point out all mistakes, yet offer not even the simplest help or word of encouragement.
Your girl turned out well. You get to take part of the credit for that.
Credit? Okay, but she gets most of that.
agreed.
My Dad says to tell you you haven’t done your job to its absoloute fullest unless you have embarassed your child mightily, publicly and, if not often, at least regularly (and yes, he LIVED that belief….take it from the recipient of said embarassment)
Oh, and don’t worry if you have “failed” in this area. It’s never too late and adult children can be just as satisfyingly embarassed as younger children, so, in my Dad’s words “Go forth and EMBARASS!”
I have to thank your father for helping to create the wonderful woman you are!