With timing that has me wondering why things have to come in bunches … like snow that builds into mountainous drifts obscuring the comfortably familiar … yesterday, Jaren’s birthday, brought me long-sought-for photos of the headstone that now sits on his grave.
It was supposed to be placed a couple of months after his burial, but has apparently taken a bit longer, and I’m sure it stands out amongst the staid markers in the tiny cemetery in Paskenta where he lies aside my father and very near my grandparents and great-grandparents.
Jaren’s dad and I had to chose from a wide range of shapes, sizes, materials, designs, fonts, texts, styles, and so on back in June when we buried our son, and it was no easy process, and certainly not one we had any practice in beforehand.
At one point, we thought to ask if it would be possible to have a guitar engraved somewhere on the stone and were surprised when the funeral director pulled out a book of tombstone clip art … yes, those exist … and showed us a drawing of a fat mariachi guitar with three cheesy notes issuing from it. Although I was sorely tempted to saddle my son with such cheese for the foreseeable eternity, being not one bit happy about him being dead and all, it was decided to investigate the possibilities of emblazoning his marker with something much more him. What is there is a representation of one of his guitars … the one his brother Sebastian now plays.
I know many of his friends plan to make a pilgrimage to Paskenta to visit Jaren’s grave, and I will be thankful to hear about those trips. It is in a lovely place, very peaceful under giant old oaks, and I plan to spend many hours there as soon as I can.
There will be no trouble finding him … his face and his guitar mark where he lies.
Jaren's stone
A collection of my short stories:
I'm in this one, too ...
And I'm in here, as well ...
Paradise Preoccupied 
This is a beautiful tombstone Sandra.
It’s a lovely marker, Sandra. You did a great job, under horrific, agonizing circumstances. I don’t know how you did it.
When my dad died I couldn’t even bear to go to the funeral home, although I wish I had. The funeral home people got peeved with Mom and Brother because they didn’t buy an expensive urn for Dad’s ashes, and Mom got ticked and said loudly “Just put ’em in a hefty bag!” because she was so annoyed. My family has always loved black humor, though…
I was thinking about you today when I read this quote…
“Sorrows cannot all be explained away in a life truly lived, grief and loss accumulate like possessions.” ~Stefan Kanfer
It seems we all collect ‘stones’ in our walk through life, but some are just so very much heavier than others.
It is a beautiful headstone.
I want to tell you you’ve helped me here as I will soon be involved in helping my mom select headstones for my dad and brother, her husband and son. I too have had no practice at this task so I appreciate seeing your picture and reading how you were able to find something that was more your son. I now have resolve to do the same and feel slightly less inexperienced.
Thanks : )
I am sorry that my help comes for something so sad …
Yeah, I’m so sorry for the sadness of your situation too. One is never the same after things like this, especially with a loss like yours and my mom’s.
My thanks is sincere so please feel good that your post will help two total strangers, one of them being a mom who’s loss you understand.
Never the same … that is truth! And thank you for taking the time to let me know I helped in some small way. My best to your family, and a huge hug to your mom … she’s needing a lot of those, I’m sure.
Sandra,
My hope is to take your Mom down to Paskenta on June 2nd and spend some time at Jaren’s grave, reflecting on his life. I plan on taking my camera with me, so I can send you some pictures. I want to light a candle, bring flowers, and maybe a beer. Or two.
His stone turned out beautiful…I don’t know how you did it, and in such a short period of time. Your strength never ceases to amaze me. Like mother…like son.
That would be so great, V. She’s home now and seems to be doing better. I told her last night about the stone being in place and she did say she’d like to see it. Give her a call, or stop by (529-1697). She has 24 hour nursing staff, so is well taken care of, but I’m sure she would enjoy some company. Love you.
Hey Sandra, I’ve been offline for a bit and out of touch…
Thanks for sharing this. It’s a fantastic marker for Jaren, and I’ll be there within the year to visit, hopefully on the day. Not sure who’ll be there too, but I’ll take pictures and will send them along.
Hugs for you
That would be a wonderful tribute, for people to be there “on the day” one year later. It will be beautiful in Paskenta and a party would be so appropriate, if possible … or at least a toast.
Hugs back, Todd.
Sandra – we have never met, but I stumbled across your site, and feel totally heart-broken for you… Please know that you are in a stranger’s thoughts… May you always find comfort in your memories of your wonderful son…
Thank you, Tanja …
Beautiful stone my love. Good choice. It’s amazing all the choices you have to make in these situations. I pretty much had it down by the time it came to bury my mom. Jaren has been on my mind a lot given all the news about health reform. Finally they are doing something right.
Thank you, Robbie …