Continuing the conversation with Gershom from her response to yesterday’s post …
We do walk more common ground than divergent, and I suspect that’s true in more cases than people are willing to admit.
About the Australian system, it does offer options and food for thought. Keeping in mind the horrors from which it developed also gives some hope that processes can evolve from even the most hideous circumstances. (Although there is cause to worry about how bad things must get before coordinated action is taken … ) The intense shame of Australians over their deplorable history of domestic adoption — and few countries can lay claim to as despicable a bout of modern-day social experimentation — has prompted radical changes to the systems there. Some would suggest the pendulum has swung a bit wide in correction attempts, but that’s how these things work in the world.
How well government running and regulating works overall, however, is debatable, as is being proved now in Iowa and New Hampshire. Some think it’s great, and others see it as a root of evil. Most certainly, though, its manifestation in Australia is very different from what a similarly titled condition would look like in, say, Cambodia.
So, where do we go from here? You and I, I mean. After all, if you … the author of a blog you titled “Anti-adoption”… and me … a widely-besmirched advocate who many would like to gag … are finding we agree on as broad a base as we apparently do, is there a foundation here for bridging a divide and working together?
Obviously, we are both intent on educating and informing, and that is vital. From expectant women in crisis to potential adoptive parents to policy makers, information is the key to basing decisions and practices in ethical, fair and honest ground so any adoption journey that may be taken starts off on the right foot and leads in a positive, not negative direction.
You and I might choose to stress different aspects of the ethical the fair and the honest, but if in the general community less time and energy was being spent in argument for the sake of argument, bitchy slap fights, self-centered attention-seeking and demands for recompense for water long over the bridge, we could pass along more information to a wider audience than now attempts to breach the fray.
How much difference could it make if it became very, very likely that every scared and confused pregnant girl and every hopeful adoptive parent had access to the information just you and I could pass along, not to mention the wealth of knowledge and experience so many are willing and eager to share? What if everyone approaching an agency was well-informed and prepared to demand ethics and answers and knew the true costs involved?
That, for just a start, is what I see as possible if the bickering slowed down and people put aside their pettiness and accusations of evil or stupidity or whatever other insulting approaches they seem to find so comforting for some reason.
I care deeply and passionately about the fate and welfare of children. You care deeply and passionately about the fate and welfare of children. That would appear to indicate a consensus, and through consensus progress is so much more likely than without.
A collection of my short stories:
I'm in this one, too ...
And I'm in here, as well ...
Paradise Preoccupied 
On the topic of adoption in Australia, this article on new laws there may be of interest.
I agree.
I say it should start with pushing for foster care reform, but I am biased.
There should be a way to, for starters, prevent children in foster care from being moved around too much unless it’s totally necessary. Studies and various therapists have found that it’s psychologically damaging to a child to keep moving from one place to another without attaching to a primary care provider.
Also, in some cases foster care adoptions should move as fast as possible, such as in situations where there is no hope of change and it should more slower in other cases, but we don’t have a flexible system like that, nad it’s sorely needed.
Then there is the rest of the world to consider. I was up for hours last night thinking about that.
Therefore I need to sleep.
That article WAS interesting, Sandra 🙂 and I think it points out that, no matter how well-intentioned, practices put in place as the result of a pendulum swing or in response to an outrage generally end up causing just as many problems, but of an opposite nature. A change which targets existing problems and works to eliminate them without causing an equal and opposite problem to develop.
So, what ARE the REAL problems in adoption? How do we swing around a system from coercing those who CAN parent to relinquish into a system that not only avoids coercement (is that a word?), but also PROTECTS those children who need to be seperated from their biological families. How do we create an umbrella big enough to catch those who NEED it, but small enough to allow those who CAN parent to do so. What changes do we need in foster care in order to a. better support our foster kids b. better support our foster parents and c. change public opinion about the risks of adoption from foster care?
I have a million more points to make (big surprise, there), but alas……..work calls.
wow! Thank you for your kind reply to me Sandra. I feel like singing Cumbayah lol.
I think your ideas sound great. I would love to work on way to educate and advocate for truth and honesty in adoption with you, and anyone who is willing. I think it would be essential to work with someone such as yourself, who reaches out to far more adoptive parents or prospective adoptive parents than I do. I do not always have the way of the words with parents looking to adopt, this could be powerful.
Maybe we could begin brainstorming ways that we could do some justice while working together. My main goal in life right now is the Adoptee Rights Protest, that will be over in July and then I will have alot more time. My goal after the protest was to work towards exposing the industry for its criminal acts on expecting mothers, mothers who have surrendered, prospective adoptive parents, and of course, the adoptees who I love so dearly.
I would love nothing more than to see everyone in our “communities” i despise adoption community as a term, but whatever, put the anger aside and contribute their strengths for adoption reform and advocacy. We all have our own strengths and if we could use those, and not waste it on pointing fingers at one another or argue about the different kinds of adoptions we ALL could REALLY take this horrible industry down!! Can you imagine, making a “team” of us, all from different sides of adoption, a council, working together for the fate of mothers/fathers and children, to create a REAL foster care system, provide REAL stable homes for those who really need them, find support for families to stay together and provide for poverty stricken families and communities in countries around the world.
I dream big. I think this is possible. please contact me at the email provided under my sign in name…. 🙂
Gershom,
It seems to me that the lead-up to the Adoptee Rights Protest might be a good time to get this cooperative show on the road.
The fight for adoptee rights should not be considered an adoptee-only issue, as it is a natural platform for bridge-building between adoptees and adoptive families, if … and this is a big IF … the rancor can be put on hold for a while. Why shouldn’t we try this out months in advance of the New Orleans gathering and see how far we can come toward making the push for open records and identity ownership a mutual goal?
I would be interested to hear from readers … mine and yours … how this strikes, and what thoughts are on both how to make this happen and worries over obstacles.
With definite lack-of-trust issues on both sides, we need a starting point that feels comfortable for a wide base.
Since you and I are doing well together so far, and since Marley has already invited me to St. Petersburg for pepper vodka and shwarma, this big dream is looking good.
The Civil Rights and Women’s Movements did well once those “communities” put in-fighting and back-biting on a far burner, so there’s no reason those of us with adoption in our lives can’t do the same if we work at it.
Thank you sandra, i just replied to you on todays post, i didn’t see this yesterdays post until today, after i replied to todays…
you know what I mean…