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The FWWPH

May 10, 2008 by Sandra Hanks

Being an activist and a “take charge” kind of woman, a lunch yesterday with two of my friends here has me fired up and chomping at the bit to get something going.

 

Both of these woman are beautiful, funny, talented, dedicated woman, and both are married to men who screw around … a lot. Their husband’s haven’t completely bailed, yet, and the women have been reticent to kick their sorry asses out of the house because … well, because they have kids, families they hope to hold together by their fingernails, and also because they have been so undermined by the processes their spouses put them through that their self-images have suffered terrible blows.

 

Given my present circumstance, and my past, as well, I am sick and tired of finding myself and so many other admirable women mired in misery and feeling alone with it.

 

I am now seriously contemplating starting a club here: The Fabulous Women With Philandering Husbands Club. (Or possibly, reducing the last bit to “crap husbands”.)

 

I’m imagining the force such a collection of determination, a sharing of experiences, a system of mutual support might generate, and the fallout from such a group. For one thing, I can envision a large contingent, dressed to the nines, descending on one of the more popular night spots where cheaters and whores congregate and the palpitations that could cause. And simply the fact that we would be public about our personal dramas instead of hiding ourselves away as if the fact that our husbands are slimy cheaters is somehow our fault might actually have one or two of the men experience just a bit of appropriate shame over their behavior, rather than the chest-puffing that comes along with thinking they and their friends know something we don’t know.

 

One of my lunch companions said, when I mentioned this, “Well, everyone I know would want to join.” That, sadly, is a statement on the acceptability of unfaithfulness of men here … and perhaps everywhere … but it might also cause some pause for thought among some who are contemplating infidelity.

 

After all, how much fun could it be to know that once a week your wife gets together with her friends, compares notes and info and laughs their head off at how incredibly stupid you are and how trashy and used your ego-boosting blow job queen really is?

 

“Her? Oh, yeah. My husband did her a couple of months ago and thought it was love, too.”

 

Just a thought at the moment, but there seems to be support for the idea rallying. I’ll put out a press release locally if I can manage to pull this off, and I’m betting we get quite the response. As small as Seychelles is, it could become quite difficult very fast for any guy to get away with much without someone knowing and passing along the info. A little fear in the heart does no man any harm. 

 

There is power in information and in numbers, and no reason in the world for all of us dealing with this to suffer in silence and alone. This added as yet another consequence of irresponsible and selfish acts sounds good to me.

 

Thoughts?

Posted in Family, Island life | Tagged | 15 Comments »

Perspective on misery

May 9, 2008 by Sandra Hanks

Readers now know the past few months have had me in a personal hell that I’m finding very difficult to rise above, to move along, to get myself back into life and seeing colors again.

Food, sleep, concentrated thought, energy of anything but the nervous type escape my abilities almost completely, and I’m perpetually frustrated by how easily confused I am about the simplest of things; I can’t even seen to keep track of my phone and my keys without relying on an energy-sucking system of constant double checking and everything requires a vigilance that used to come effortlessly as a matter of course.

I’m shaky and constantly exhausted, terrified of eventualities that may or may not occur, but certainly hit me like a ton of bricks throughout every day, and especially at night.

Spending some time contemplating the weak state I’m in and all the physical and emotional stress my present reality has presented me with took me on a mental spin around the world, and with a bit of forcing direction that trip outside my own misery has pushed my puny problems into a rather tidy, if bitter, pill I am able to swallow and manage to keep down.

As most know, two of my kids are Cambodian born, and anyone with a grip on recent history is familiar with the what happened in that country in 1975. 

Quick reminder:

April 17, 1975, the Khmer Rouge forced every citizen of the city of Phnom Penh to leave their homes carrying only what they could on their backs and head into a blankness that would not be explained. For the following three years, these people and others from other towns were starved, beaten, murdered, separated from their families, forced into slave labor building damns doing other such demanding labor that anyone well fed would suffer greatly, and almost 2 million people died. Many were tortured mercilessly, and there is no shortage of the evidence of this horror still to be seen today in Cambodia.

Today, millions of people are suffering in the same ways every single day, watching their children die, living as sex slaves, working until they drop with nothing but a lash at their back and very little food in their stomachs.

So, what the hell am I bitching about?

The love of my life has lost his mind and left me for a whore, tearing apart my lovely little family and leaving me scared and lonely. The way I’ve been feeling, the impact this has had on me, makes me question just how long I could survive … how long I would choose to survive … a horror of truly immense proportions like so many must.  

I’m a wimp.

It’s time to remind myself just how wonderful my life still is. Sure, my husband is a sleazy creep who has lost his mind, but I know that my life will be just fine, and I need to buck up and keep in mind just where it is in the scheme of things I am lucky enough to inhabit.

Perspective is a good thing. It doesn’t take away pain, but it sure gives it context.

Posted in Adoption, Cambodia, Children, Family, Island life, Uncategorized | 6 Comments »

Empathy can be positive, too

May 8, 2008 by Sandra Hanks

 

While I’ve been spending the past two months in the Mark-induced horror of betrayal and deceit, others in my life have been experiencing such wonderful wonders of life, and although they are deeply sympathetic, they are not, thankfully, having their happiness dented in any way by my misery.

 

My dear friend, George, who is actually the closest to a first foster child Mark and I took in … he was 18 at the time, just out of school, with no parental supervision and an open bar tab at his absent father’s hotel and was well on his way to spending the next 20 years or so not moving beyond the bar … now holds a Masters Degree, is close to 30, married, and just witnessed the birth of his first child, a son.

 

Martin and Caroline, those of one of the homes that put me up on my recent trip to the UK that was so meant to give me focus and support, are moving to Fiji after Martin had secured “the perfect job”. He’s a marine biologist and was unhappily back in England for five years after a stint here working in a far too political job to actually accomplish any of his goals and was almost as depressed as I was when I arrived. In the time I was trying my healing, he was offered the job of a lifetime, and they are now preparing for a whole new life in a place they’re so looking forward to living and working in.

 

Others, of course, have also been hitting high points, and although all have been excellent at boosting me where I need boosting and helping me through this miserable time in my life, it is so good to know that ups and downs don’t happen to everyone at the same time, and that friends are there for the highs and the lows.

 

My thanks to all who have given so much of themselves to me lately, and I very much look forward to celebrating all joys that may be coming to others. Someday again, the joys will be mine, and knowing that I have such a broad and fantastic foundation of friends makes life worth living.

 

I am a very lucky woman, and even in the depths of despair my friends don’t let me forget that. 

 

 

 

Posted in Family, Island life, On getting older | Tagged | 7 Comments »

Earning the right to sex, and how others do it

May 7, 2008 by Sandra Hanks

I’ve been trying to figure out a way forward for Paradise Preoccupied … and for much else in my life at the moment … and have been finding it hard to even compose a follow-up to my last post.

I do not want to turn this into a litany of Mark’s almost daily screw-ups and petty cruelties, no matter how much of my energy is sucked away in the process of him being the “new” him, nor do I want to compete for the title of “Queen Whine of the blog world”.

I’ve considered composing long diatribes on my misanthropic tendencies … life-long and only getting stronger as man proves time after time his weaknesses and base nature … and have even thought of writing on just why it is that humans are my least favorite primate species.

That could be quite an interesting topic, actually, and I may put some time into it. The facts being that non-human primates, in all their various versions of societal behaviors, have worked out how to demand the most of the males in their species before they’re allowed to have sex. 

Unlike in humans, subadult males … the teens and twenties types … inhabit the bottom rung of other primate societies. They get no respect from anyone and are ignored as often as they are chastised for obnoxious behavior. 

The thought of a gang of young chimps or baboons starting wars, raping and pillaging is totally negated by the fact that everyone else in their groups, from adult males to their own mothers and aunties, would nip any such tendencies in the bud, and slap the shit out of them in the process, gives their cultures an advantage ours has lost.

Males in other primate groups have to prove themselves, and much of that proof involves developing into the type of grownups that have the power, grace and fortitude to make damned sure their children reach adulthood under the safest circumstances possible. Females base their choices on granting sexual favors on these factors and wouldn’t touch a flakey good-for-nothing, no matter how pretty or smooth, with a ten-foot length of bamboo.

Gibbons are monogamous. Marmoset fathers are primary caregivers, handing what is usually twins over to mom only at feeding time. Gorillas live in harem groups with the Silverback, having earned every one of his rights of reproduction the hard way, having his way with all the females in his group and taking care of everyone everyday in every way, including providing a vast and hairy playground for his youngsters.

Orang utans are solitary dwelling creatures and tend to mate with whoever they happen to run across in their foraging … they are also the only other primate species that rapes … and little but the genetic contribution is expected from fathers, but at least those rules are clear from the outset.

Chimps are the closest relatives we have in the non-human primate group and the most likely to experience violence and confusion in the social grouping. Multi-male is the standard, and although Top Dog usually gets some sexual action, females aren’t as picky as other primates are, and this causes friction, but usually only among the males competing for some action.

We humans are the only ones whose females will fall for any old line and with males who invest nothing but a few minutes of what is often copious amounts of spare time spent doing nothing else to experience the act of reproduction. We are also the only ones who are rejected out of hand once a relationship has developed, especially when there are children involved.

Loyalties are vital in primate communities, and although the width and depth of those loyalties vary from species to species, they are ignored at the peril of all.

Can we imagine a human world where young men are kept in line, children and women are valued for their very being, and where only men who have earned the right can not only breed, but have any sex at all?

Perhaps monogamy isn’t meant for humans at all, but it would be easier on all of us if we could figure out a system that doesn’t so often end up causing so much damage to so many.

 

Posted in Children, Family, Older women, Uncategorized | Tagged , | 4 Comments »

It takes one to know one

May 2, 2008 by Sandra Hanks

There are at least a bazillion reasons I hate to admit what I’m about to admit, all but one having to do with a tragedy my family has been suffering, but it’s been two months today and time I got this out of the way and began to prepare to move through this crisis and ahead.

Ready for it? 

Miguel was right. (Read back a few posts if this doesn’t ring any bells. WordPress has changed format lately and I can’t be bothered to figure out the html for a link right now.)

No, not about anything having to do with life in Seychelles, me as a person, or life in general, being so clearly an ageist, sexist, racist bigot who probably beats his wife, but he did nail one thing … my husband had been “hitting something much younger”.

Yes, my dear Mark, the love of my life I’d left all other lives behind for, the kindest, most gentle and honest man I’d ever known, has been having an “affair” … if that’s the right term for banging some whore during lunch hours.

Home every night, calling six times a day just to say “hi”, fully engaged as a father and husband (if you catch the drift), giving no sign whatsoever that anything was amiss, his skills at duplicity were completely unsuspected, and his “confession”, delivered on what is Mother’s Day here, the 2nd of March, shocked me to my core.

The girl is from the slums of Antananarivo, Madagascar, and came to work in Seychelles because the pittance she makes here is many times what she could bring in in her own country. Of course, it’s also much easier to supplement her tiny wage at the factory that makes tin cans in a place where professional prostitutes are few and far between, so she’s done fairly well for herself. Having broken up one marriage already … and she’s still married to that poor slob …  she’s ready to move on to fresher … and, she hopes, richer … meat, and Mark must have given the impression of one tasty chop ready for the flame.

For Mark, being a long-term faithful husband set him up nicely for this, and since the factory he works in (they put tuna in those cans) is right next door and both companies share canteen facilities, easy pickings.

Mark will be 42 this year, so fits the profile of the aging male perfectly … not as young, fit or cute as he used to be, and in a relationship that has been solid and reliable for many, many years. In other words, totally impressed by and with no doubt in his mind … or much of anything else … that blow jobs are what life is all about.

I’m sure hers are impressive, as a pro’s would be, and that she is more than generous than I have been with them over the past decade. It’s been years since I would drop to my knees in an uncontrollable outbreak of passion or as a congratulatory gesture for some slight benevolence, but I well recall those days, and remember them fondly. They were not, however, the foundation of the love we developed … more like icing on the cake, if you can forgive that image, and with two kids and hours of hard work, there’s been less time for icing.

Bestowal of such favors limited over stolen moments can only have heightened the excitement, and Mark, being a man and therefore stupid, has actually confused this for love.

Yes, he’s chucked our family life and is now living in a dirt bag hole with his dirt bag whore and thinking that all that he has lost is worth it for the sex.

The kids, of course, are impacted, and having been the child of divorce myself I know how deep and permanent the effects of such betrayal and the processes that follow are. He insists they’ll adjust just fine … but, then he would have to, wouldn’t he? He doesn’t do well with taking on guilt or facing consequences — surprise, surprise.

I have been grieving. Not only was Mark, until the 2nd of March, considered my hero, the best husband in the world, wonderful father, and so on, I had also always been under the impression that he was my best friend, and I miss all those people he used to be.

Apparently, his body has been invaded by a pod person that rather looks like him, but who I otherwise don’t recognize at all. His trail now leaves lies, disloyalty and treachery,  and his chosen path is now trashy, tacky and common as muck.

Friends and family are stunned, and we are all sad … me for so many reasons, but everyone for the loss of the man we respected and admired. Even he has the good sense to be embarrassed by how far he has fallen, but seems to be compensated by her efforts to keep him inflated.

So, like so many other women whose husbands proved not to live up to their best or their brightest, whose honor ebbed when the ego took the hits all egos do with age, I now have to leave Mark to the life he has chosen. I doubt it will be rife with engaging conversation, shared visions for a greater future or long lasting, but it’s his life now, and I need to get on with mine. 

Being a writer and a blogger of material that often included personal experiences for a long time now, composing and posting this needs to be part of my healing process, a practice in catharsis. After a two-month break in a career of prolific writing, it seems I should give some idea to those of you who read me often and have been wondering where I’ve gone. I’m sure there are some who will take joy from my pain … there are a lot nasty people out there in Blogland … but perhaps there will be someone reading who’s riding in this boat, too, and needs to know they’re not alone.

My dear friend Lisa shared with me that there is a Hebrew term: soog bet. It translates to “damaged and inferior” and has to do with an innate shallowness in men that takes little to bring out.

Not that I ever thought I would have to admit this, but now Miguel and Mark share the designation … not just as men, but as soog bet. As I said at the top, it takes one to know one, and this one was well spotted.

 

Posted in Family, Island life | 39 Comments »

What we already know about people wanting to move to Seychelles

February 26, 2008 by Sandra Hanks

I remember years ago seeing a cartoon in my ex-husband’s Playboy that pictured a tarted up babe with the look of a pro chatting to another saying, “I’m thinking of moving to another town and starting all over as a virgin.”

Living on an island 1,000 miles from anywhere massive or densely populated, I have come to realize that there are a lot of people who think that sort of transmogrification is not only possible, but seamless and invisible.

I’ve written about this phenomenon before, using the same Playboy ref, actually … I just realized this when I looked up the link … but the topic deserves a re-visit.

Because Seychelles has to rank in the top three of the most beautiful places on the planet, and Number One when it’s tropical you’re talking, a lot of people dream of coming here. (Not so many Americans, actually, the bulk being geographically challenged and most having a hard time placing the Indian Ocean on a globe.)

Most are content with a holiday, or perhaps some stint working on contract for a couple of years, but there are a resolute few determined to come and to stay.

Some, of course, are lovely and genuine people who soon get over being impressed with themselves for finding the place … many have what must be a Columbus Complex or something, somehow figuring they’ve “discovered” Seychelles … and settle into the business of living.

They introduce themselves to their neighbors, feel their way around slowly, laugh at their ignorance and understand quickly that everyone here has seen it all before.

Others, however, run on different tracks and tend to assume that we’re all DYING to learn how to do things just like they were done in whatever country they’ve just rejected in favor of these islands, and that they are exactly the people to show us all how to do it; the “What you need here is ____” types that wonder how we got by without a ____ for all these years, not stopping to consider the likelihood that someone started a ____ a while back and it tanked within 6 months.

Another group has, from the beginning, no intention of having anything to do with the way of life that recently everyone lived fairly unanimously. Until a short time ago, the difference in day-to-day between the very rich and the very poor was very small, but that is changing. It’s no longer the case that when we’re out of butter, we’re all out of butter, as now there may be butter for those with something other than rupees in their pockets, and this is tempting for some wanting the beautiful beaches, but not the logistical consequences of tiny, mid-ocean island life.

(Imagine the carbon footprint of butter flown in on a private jet! Ewww. Messy.)

In discussing between those who belong in the country … it being home, and all … the ploys entry-hopeful newbies of the “not going to fit in well” group employ, there seem to be three main categories: those who try to buy their way in; those who try to lie their way in; and those who try to bully their way in. One method works … or doesn’t work, or works only for a little while, actually … about as well as another, and all are easily spotted.

When it does work, the spot-’em-a-mile-away-trying-to-shake-the-tourist-look-crowd can be almost as entertaining as annoying.

Usually the tales that come with new imports are merely amusing, although embarrassing, diversions for those of us who have seen it all before. From the maybe-German-wannabe-tango-dancer to the South African who was “advance man for multi-millionairs”, they manage to cadge a few free drinks and invitations to a couple of barbecues, but beyond that the damage they do is mainly self-inflicted.

Most often, these folks don’t last long. Once their stories run out and the level of phoniness has been firmly established, whatever benefit they were hoping to get out of life in Seychelles dissipates, so they move along to try it all on again somewhere else, probably adding fake tales of island conquests to their repertoire for the audience at the next stop.

There are those, however, who tough it out … most likely because they burned all other bridges before investing everything in a flashy dodge that didn’t fly … and spend the rest of their lives being reminded almost daily of what an ass they were when they came and suffering the resultant lack of trust and respect … if, that is, they don’t get kicked out like the Austrian who kept picking fights with everyone who disagreed with him and the Italian looking for “investors”.

Occasionally, however, reasons for reinvention are nefarious, and it can be difficult to establish which bullshitting new arrival is playing a game of ego-boosting Let’s Pretend, and who has motivations of a more sinister variety.

As the world gets smaller, Seychelles moves closer to the rest of it, and without the protection of thousands of miles of sea and the almost uniquely exclusive isolation we’ve enjoyed here for so long the ever-increasing population of the run-of-the-mill not-so-nice and downright slimy are more likely to find us.

It has been only recently that hard drugs have made it this far, and although the years of avoiding that horror were lovely, they have created a climate in which people have not been prepared for the onslaught. People with no idea of the dangers, having never seen the devastation that crawls in the wake of drug abuse, are just now waking up to the fact that cannabis and heroin are not interchangeable party drugs.

Although the country is racing to get up to speed, education and enforcement are struggling to catch up with the much faster process of dealing and using, so there are likely to be some who figure we have a good place here to set up base and provide illegal substances in the region.

Others have come here to hide, or live openly but avoid prosecution, and we have had our famous cases of fugitives from the law of other countries.

One of the many advantages of being a small nation 1,000 miles from anywhere is the ability the country has to control who is here. It’s virtually impossible to hide in Seychelles; a population that lived with one part-time TV station for years … still the case for those of us living off the beaten track … has learned the entertainment value of neighbor-watching, and since everyone is related to everyone, those that aren’t tend to stand out.

Since sneaking in and hunkering down without anyone noticing can’t really happen, the government is in a good position to decide on a person-by-person basis who gets to come, who gets to stay and who doesn’t. The agencies in charge of making such decisions have much to consider, and potential contributions to the overall good of Seychelles comes in way higher than providing a pretty view to someone who wants to hang out on an island … unless that pretty view comes at a price that makes it worth being considered a contribution on its own.

Although I am very much on the side of grasping firmly to a status quo that even I admit sees the development writing on the wall, it is a given that Seychelles is changing and that our little population of 85,000 cousins and second cousins and uncles-by-marriage is becoming more like other places where being related to the people you run into in town is more of an oddity than a daily happening.

New people are coming, and I can’t blame them for wanting to live here. (Heck, I want to live here, so why wouldn’t someone else?) But I do wish every one would be required to pass, in addition to an international criminal background check, some sort of orientation and an exam.

The orientation would include being handed a list of items, then told to go out and make the purchases.

Sample list:

Tweezers
14″ white shoe laces
tortillas (corn or flour)
mint jelly
tire patch kit
green curry paste
aspirin
chainsaw blade
The latest Harry Potter book
Bra: Size 36 or 38 D or DD or any size in yellow
A picture of St. Michael the Archangel in wellington boots.

Okay. The last one is a joke … those are everywhere.

And the test? Breaking out the JerkDetector and the BSometer would be a start.

Posted in Island life, Seychelles | 13 Comments »

Eeek! A shark: Poor baby

February 25, 2008 by Sandra Hanks

Steven Spielberg pretty much ruined the sea for me … a fact I have brought up with him on more than one occasion, and one for which he is not nearly as regretful as he should be … so I was more than thrilled when today I showed Sam the dorsal fin of a baby shark a friend had found at our neighborhood beach and saw his only reaction was a deep sadness.

I have long resented my gut response to all things shark-like, the involuntary dread that creeps over me as I snorkel in water with a tinge of mirk, a hint of looming possibility. That these amazing creatures bring out the worst in knee-jerk horror is a disappointment in my nature.

The knowledge, however, that I’ve not passed that along to my son gives me cause to rejoice.

Growing up as he has in the tide pools and shallows of the Indian Ocean where it touches this island is a gift Mark and I are grateful to give. Even with the inherent risks that come with island living, with the sea so close, so strong, so potentially deadly, our kids, like their father, have a relationship with it I can only dream of.

At five, Sam already has those velcro-like feet that allow him to jump from rock to rock without slipping and the balance to stand in a pirogue in choppy water. He learned the hard way not to jump in bait-filled water, as a graze with a stone fish was painful enough without serious consequence, thankfully … and the stay in hospital served to reinforce the lesson … and catching macabale in the lamar is as easy for him as it was for Mark when he was a boy.

Yes, it’s the right combination of joy and respect that he’s built, and at the same time the ocean feels like his vast and interesting playground he understands its power and the total disregard it has for life in any form.

Mark grew up with the sea at his doorstep. I did not, so didn’t learn the language it clearly speaks or to read the waves, and I still need a translator even after years of patient tutelage. Because of this handicap I can’t fully love it, as I tend to doubt its intent even on those days when it seems the Indian Ocean is as calm as a pond from here to Kenya.

Although I worry every time the kids are anywhere near the sea, I am pleased they don’t, and happy that the most basic of basics of island living … being surrounded by water … makes them happy.

So, although we have an abundance of Spielberg movies on DVD, “Jaws” will not be added to the collection. When it comes to his classics, we’re sticking with Indiana Jones since Sam’s not likely to develop an irrational fear of devil-worshipping nazis that could put a crimp in his Saturdays at Grandma’s.

Posted in Children, Family, Fun, International Adoption, Island life, Seychelles | Tagged , | 8 Comments »

Just when you think you’ve run out of stupid …

February 24, 2008 by Sandra Hanks

I know we’re all getting tired of the Miguel the Violent Nut Case story, but since he’s yet to run out of stupid, and since some readers have voiced interest in follow-up, there’s more. Sigh …

Surprise, surprise … he’s taken down the offending post on his blog, done a rewrite he must think casts him in a good light and me in a poor one, and posted it as a Must Read for Seychellois that actually manages to make him look like an even bigger ass.

Seems he’s changed the link to his trash. (I’ve changed it, too, so the click still works.) By the way, here’s a link to how he feels about negativity and his Creator. Yeah … right. Very spiritual, this Miguel, heh?

I know, I know … that didn’t seem possible.

He’s all with the threats again, although this time he’s not insinuating violence to my poor old self, but exposure. Yep, he’s planning to let the world know that I know that Seychelles is expensive, has shortages and a rising crime rate, and he’s going to email his idiocy to ” government officials, newspapers, TV station, police, ministry of tourism”, apparently having no idea that everyone has already seen it along with his nasty, although poorly composed, revelation of his true self.

And, get this:

What she did not realize is that my film company is not just a motion picture company, and I have way more contacts and pull in more “real” media than she could ever imagine.

Garsh … he has contacts in the movies.

Posted in Expat Living, Island life, Seychelles | 6 Comments »

Tourists: To go, or not to go?

February 22, 2008 by Sandra Hanks

Burmese man ©Leeroy09481Here’s an interesting dilemma to weigh …

When a country has gone to hell in a handbasket, is it better to give it a wide berth or barge in and take a look around?

This is the debate between the British Trade Union Congress (TUC) in conjunction with Tourism Concern Burma, and the Lonely Planet Guide going on right now, with one side insisting that travel to Burma constitutes unethical support of the repressive regime that rules the country and makes life miserable for its people, while the other argues that there are pros and cons, and that people should make up their minds for themselves.

Listed at the front of the book are points for and against:

Its reasons not to go include:

Opposition leader Aung San Suu Kyi opposes tourism
The military government uses forced labour
International tourism seen as ‘stamp of approval’
Money from tourism goes to the military government

Reasons to go are:
Tourism is one of few areas to which locals have access
Carefully targeted spending reaches individuals in need
Locals have told travel guide authors they are in favour
Abuses less likely in areas frequented by foreigners

I’ll admit that I am no fan of tourists … living where and how I do has calloused my view on those who traipse into a country, treat the place like Disneyland and the people like entertainment hired to amuse or serve, then depart with no thought whatsoever as to what legacy they might be leaving. In fact, I detest their arrogance and their ignorance and wish they would all stay home and annoy their own.

On the other hand, I am quite fond of travelers.

There’s a big difference between those needing to place a check mark saying BTDT alongside other peoples’ homes in hopes of impressing friends probably too busy doing the same to actually be impressed and people seeking knowledge and horizon expansion. Of course, both can be called tourists, but the impact made is as contrastive as are the motivations.

And motivations do count in travel, especially when talking about travel to a place like Burma.

Adventurers looking for the undiscovered destination come in many flavors, and where those determined to fill the first-white-man-the-village-has-ever-seen types can do a lot of damage and ruin the place … not only for those coming behind, but also for the locals, and forever … some with a gentle approach may prepare the ground for the populace to have some control over the changes about to descend on their world.

High-end tourists, those demanding Five Star service in Six Star destinations, aren’t likely to head for Burma until Raffles builds a resort and Bill Gates puts another Four Seasons on another “unspoiled” bit of property … spoiling it forever like the place he’s building in my back yard … but there are a few of the more intrepid rich guys who will rent a villa with the full complement of staff so they can be the first in their private-jet-parking group to say, “Had a lovely couple of days in Mandalay.”

They could have just as well been in Mauritania or Mauritius for all the Myanmar they experienced, but that wouldn’t be the point, now, would it?

I suspect sex tourism will be on the agenda for far too many who look for new ground to break in South East Asia and might figure the poverty in Burma would make for easy pickings.

Holiday destinations rise and fall in popularity, and the trendiness of Burma is probably only a matter of time as other countries become tarnished with familiarity. I predict this will be both a good thing and a bad thing and that life for the Burmese will change both for the better and for the worse as it becomes part of the homogenized world of franchises that Lonely Planet, like every guide book ever written encourages whether meaning to or not.

Calling for a boycott of Lonely Planet seems just silly, as I know I wouldn’t be writing about tourism to Burma had they not pressed the issue, and I’m betting others are doing the same in reaction to the BBC coverage it spurred.

Twenty years ago, I would have been one of the first to buy the book and try to plan a trip. These days, however, I’m just hoping a few of the rude and pushy tourists cluttering beaches and driving on the wrong side of the road in Seychelles decide to go there instead.

Photo Credit: Leeroy09481

Posted in Seychelles, World politics | Tagged , , | 2 Comments »

Getting it wrong on AIDS in Africa

February 21, 2008 by Sandra Hanks

I’ve just read the most confounding bit of news I’ve seen in a while, and in a source that usually delivers it straight up, making it even more confusing.

It’s this article in the Washington Post that sent me scurrying all over the Internet in search of corroboration and reason.

The story is about George W. Bush’s Africa trip from the angle of PEPFAR, the President’s Emergency Program for AIDS Relief, where it has succeeded and where it has fallen short. It makes sense, for the most part, as it explains how $15 billion has increased the availability of treatment, but with the rate of infections going up faster than meds can be handed out, that the big picture is not rosy.

The statement that “nearly half of today’s 15-year-olds in South Africa, one of the biggest beneficiaries of the program, will contract the virus in their lifetimes at current infection rates,” jars gratingly against the claim of 157,000 cases of pediatric HIV prevented through providing antiretrovirals to pregnant women, and research that says 40% of those given the lifesaving drugs drop out of the loop, stop taking their meds and most likely die takes some of the gloss off the 1.3 million PEPFAR supports treatment for.

The political motivation combining with whatever portion of the PEPFAR dollar comes from pure benevolence puts an interesting point on the quill, as well:

Studies have shown that family planning could avert far more infections than antiretroviral drugs because many women, especially those with HIV, want fewer children. Critics say the restriction, along with PEPFAR’s emphasis on untested abstinence programs, exists mainly to win support from conservative congressional Republicans, undermining the full potential of a program that the White House bills as one of the biggest humanitarian ventures in history.

Yes, that’s confounding to me, as medical issues should not be cross-contaminated by moral judgement as far as I’m concerned.

Not nearly as confounding, however, as what wraps up the piece:

Yet the past five years have also shown that the AIDS epidemic can be contained by forces other than U.S. money and political will. Africa’s biggest declines in HIV rates during Bush’s AIDS initiative have come in Zimbabwe, where economic collapse has coincided with fundamental social change, including a shift toward monogamy and away from more-costly multiple relationships, research there shows.

Yep … Sandra reads those words, and goes scuttering in search of something that has THAT make any sense.

Zimbabwe put forth as an example of something going right? Hmmmmm. Me thinks there’s something rotten in Harare.

A quick search of “AIDS in Zimbabwe” comes up with 604,000 links on Google and not one I opened made any grand statements about a drop in the HIV infection rates.

Curious.

AidsPortal.Org has something about an increase in the number of people on antiretrovirals, but also mentions the “daunting task of breaking the vicious cycle of new infections,” which doesn’t sound like a big drop in infections is happening.

HIVInSite, a project of the University of California, doesn’t give any indication of a letup in infections, either. It does, however, give one tiny clue that moved me along … under “New HIV infections, 2005” the entry was “nd”: no data.

Hmmmmm.

Eventually coming across Avert.org’s page on AIDS in Zimbabwe, the true picture emerged.

In many cases, as one Zimbabwean doctor explained to reporters, the reality is that AIDS can now be counted amongst such concerns: “Put simply, people are dying of AIDS before they can starve to death.”

The situation in Zimbabwe is now so bad that:

Between 2002 and 2006, the population is estimated to have decreased by four million people.

Infant mortality has doubled since 1990.

Average life expectancy for women, who are particularly affected by Zimbabwe’s AIDS epidemic, is 34 – the lowest anywhere in the world. Officials from the World Health Organisation have admitted that since this figure is based on data collected two years ago, the real number may be as low as 30.

Zimbabwe has a higher number of orphans, in proportion to its population, than any other country in the world, according to UNICEF. Most of these cases are a result of parents dying from AIDS.

So, there’s the reason AIDS numbers are down in Zimbabwe … more people are already dead than they were last year and the year before, and the deaths are happening just that much faster than new infections are being reported. (We don’t even need to start in on the accuracy of reporting in the country.)

For the WaPo to suggest that Mugabe’s masterwork of horror that is modern-day Zimbabwe proves that “the AIDS epidemic can be contained by forces other than U.S. money and political will,” but rather through, “fundamental social change, including a shift toward monogamy and away from more-costly multiple relationships,” is irresponsible at best, and shows an inclination to accept “research” generated by tyranny in attempts to provide positive spin to genocidal maniacs.

I have come to expect much better from the publication.

Confounding, indeed.

This is x-posted to Adoption Under One Roof because it fits in both places.

Posted in Adoption, Children, International Adoption, orphans, The USA from the outside in, World politics | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

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