I wrote the other day about a ghastly new law that allows Afghan husbands to starve wives that refuse sex … a story that garnered outrage and inspired an onslaught of “united condemning”, as utterly useless as that may be, from many corners of the world.
Fine.
Dandy.
Aren’t we in the developed world just oh-so-smug in our condemnation of those who trample on women? Or are we?
A couple of stories in today’s news slap back that idea a tad.
First, from the UK … and Gordon Brown was amongst the loud singers in the anti-Afghan choir … this little ditty on domestic abuse in that country and how they are just getting around to, and falling short of, protecting women from beatings.
The Home Office says conviction rates among those cases which make it to court have risen from 60% to 72% over four years. However, some charities have previously noted a rise in reports of domestic violence as a result of the economic downturn.
Refuge, a charity which helps victims of domestic violence, has welcomed the changes to the rules on restraining orders. But it says it is essential the government provides the courts and the police with the resources and training to implement the orders effectively.
Well, there’s a thought …
And from a society that considers itself very well behaved, this out of Japan:
… the world’s second-biggest economy ranked 54th in the world in terms of gender equality.
It was concerned over the low legal penalty for rape and the widespread availability in Japan of violent pornography …
Add this to a 6-month waiting period between marriages that applies only to women, “unequal laws on marriage, the treatment of women in the labour market and the low representation of women on elected bodies”, and other facts of life faced by women in Japan daily, and that modern culture can stop thumbing its nose.
I am in no way condoning what’s going on in Afghanistan, but shaking my head over … and my finger at … a gender gap that exists in 2009. And what is with that?
Come on, ladies … we outnumber them, so why do we still put up with this shit in huge numbers?
I’m as guilty as the next broad, I know, when it comes to buying into the “less-than” bullshit, and that pisses me off with me.
It dawned only recently that, contrary to what my ex rammed down my throat, I actually CAN speak Creole and drive at night … even at the same time when required. Go figure! Yes, he had me convinced that both were beyond my tiny capabilities and that I needed him to talk and drive for me.
BOLLOCKS … on a plate, chopped and salted …
Why did I buy this sack full of bogus and limiting shit? Ya got me, but I did, and for a long time.
So, slap me sideways and call me a pussy … and while you’re at it, wake the power within and help the world’s women to put on their big girl panties. We’ve been wimps for way too long.
And, you know what? Those men in charge? They’re nothing special …
A collection of my short stories:
I'm in this one, too ...
And I'm in here, as well ...
Paradise Preoccupied 
I can say to read the book “The Beauty Myth” if you can get it. It is all about how women are oppressed and why. I am only about half through it, and while I don’t always agree with what the authors are saying…it has opened my eyes to a great many things. There is just too much to talk about it to put in a little comment area.
When I finish it I intend on posting about it…but lets just say the world wants women in these lower positions and teaches us from birth that we are lesser than men either overtly or covertly to keep those who are in power…in power.
If women all of a sudden had equal rights…if men all of a sudden decided that women needed equal rights…the world as we know it would cease to exist and a new world would develop. If that happened then those few men who are in power all over the world would not be in power anymore…the general population would.
Why else make a huge deal about Michelle Obama’s shorts?
I’ll keep an eye out for the book, Sandy. Thanks.
I’m outside the loop, so haven’t heard about the First Lady’s shorts, but I can imagine a furor … sadly.
Its pretty idiotic the way people react to Michelle’s choice of dress. Basically the family was visiting the Grand Canyon and going hiking, she stepped off Air Force One with mid thigh length shorts and people freaked out. Just like when they freaked out over her wearing a sleeveless dress to the inauguration ball.
I agree with your posting 100%… and I am glad I was raised in a family that pushed me to be the best I could and let me know that I could do whatever I wanted and I didn’t need a man to make me happy or be successful. You know how many weird looks I get when people find out I am a 33 yr old single woman who owns her own home. Too damned many.
People freaked out, or the media tried to get people to freak out? There’s an agenda, for sure.
I bought my first home as a single woman at 29, and I recall lenders grilling me because they thought me less reliable than a single man or a wife … even to the point of being condescending as hell about filling out loan applications!
I agree, for too long women have bought into the “weaker sex” hype. In the beginning it was because we were brainwashed by men, and now I get the feeling we’re belittled by other women if we show how strong we are.
My mother once suggested that my husband is better suited for certain jobs around the house (cleaning the gutters) because he’s a man. And last year when I had an accident due to icy road conditions, a man asked if there was someone who could get the car turned around. My husband maybe?
In so many ways, overt or subtle, sexist beliefs are shown.
Belittling woman-to-woman pulls us all down, and messages from our mothers are too often a burden we carry life long. Doing a better job by our daughters … and our sons … is our challenge and responsibility.
I wholeheartedly agree: we need to “put on our big girl panties”. The only thing that bothers me is … why do you need urging to do so? (I’ve had my big girl panties on for decades now.)
What is with women that they allow men to belittle them? Yes, ALLOW, because no one can MAKE you feel small without your permission. Don’t you know that?
Is it just easier to let someone else make all the decisions and take all the chances? If you think that, then you’re missing everything that’s important in life … the thrill of achievement (and even the wisdom gained through defeat). It isn’t that the men in charge aren’t anything special. If they are in charge, then they ARE special, because not everyone rises to that level. The point is that YOU could be special. By asserting yourself, you might climb a mountain you didn’t even know was there!
Wake up. Take life on YOUR terms, not someone else’s!
Congrats on your big girl panties, Jane. Good on ya!
Now, reign in the tendency to belittle, and you’ve got something good going. You don’t corner the market on assertion, my dear.
Military operation and pumping dollars is not the solution. What needs to be done — and not only in Afghanistan — is creating awareness for social reforms by taking the local people into confidence and through them only.
Uhhh… why are you referring to yourself as a pussy in a derogatory way? I mean, think about it. Pussies are way stronger than balls. Pussies push out babies. Kick a man in the balls….
So yeah, I’m a pussy. You got a problem with that? 🙂
Somehow a rallying call of “pussies should stick together” doesn’t have quite the right ring to it, but the sentiment is good …
Couldn’t agree more. I’ve always been puzzled as to why women in general put up with men and their crap. And as you say, beating on fellow women instead of supporting them with goals.
We do seem to have fallen for the ‘divide on conquer’ technique …
The things that still go on in this day and age that are so out dated, outrageous, and old fashioned are completely ridiculous. You think after this long things would start to pan out properly.
I agree that a lot of women out there need to “out on their big girl panties” however, to be honest, I don’t ever see their being total equality, and not only in the man vs. woman battle, but also in race, and social class etc. Sad, but my opinion. All we can do is try, and get it as equal as possible.
I agree and I have to say that Big Girl panties are more comfortable than any other which is what all women should be aiming for and not wear things just for men! I am trying to find my way back to ME after being a stay at home mum for over 7 years and the bias that has been thrown at me along the way since having kid, mostly from men has been outrageous. But they achieved their primary goal of taking away alot of my bolshiness and confidence. I am now trying to take some of it back by using the next 52 weeks to find my new working self in a variety of ways and a new self esteem to go with it.
xx
Been there, done that, Tracey. You are NOT alone!
Are you suggesting that “big girl panties” are boxer shorts?
That we need to compete with men to have power? We have our OWN power.
Boxers? Not the point at all. And of course we have our own power, but competing with men for power is necessary. Sitting back and basking in the glory of our womanhood gets us nowhere … worse than nowhere.
Men and women are equivalent but different. Every person should have the opportunity to succeed on their merits and not whether they wear briefs, boxers, thongs or big girl panties. It doesn’t happen that way and never has in human history. That doesn’t mean it can’t happen in the future, one person, one panty at a time.
Most women take abuse from the men in their lives because they were conditioned to it by their fathers while it was tolerated by their mothers. I’m sure this is much the case in Afghanistan. The way we treat our children has much to do with the self-esteem they carry with them throughout life.
BTW a great book for helping women find their power is “Women Who Run With The Wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Sandra, you would absolutely love it.
Sadly, the women of Afghanistan haven’t been educated, have no access to libraries or the internet and are pretty much ass out when it comes to self-help books.
And as seen in yesterday’s post, when they try to get educated, some ass hole throw acid in their faces …
Hello Sandra,
It is a strange world we have made. Thankfully, full more with beauties than horrors, although of the latter there are far too many. So many of the wrong things are held up as ideals to aspire to, so many of the wrong people and their behaviours are held up as role models. I would say fight for equality certainly, but always equality for all. Eschew the polarization which all too often enters into such things. Most behaviours are learned and I think it most important that we work harder to create an environment in which our children learn honor and respect and the other virtues which create a society worth living in. Meanwhile, we must fight on the adult battlefield as well. As a man, I have suffered reverse discrimination in the work place, and fear the problem is more closely linked to which group holds the balance of power than we might think. Well, I didn’t mean to write a book, so I’ll say carry on and good luck.
Don
You are, of course, absolutely right, Don. Pendulum swings often knock down, however, and there are huge numbers of women who are pissed off, and for good reason. I like to think that the female branch of humanity would handle things more kindly, though.
Pendulums knocking things down-it is a good analogy. If things were handled more kindly, that would be good. But I do not know that the pissed off are to be reasonably expected to be great authors of kindness. Anger makes one drive away the beauty one seeks when it does-at last, come. It is a hard thing to set the right balance of boundaries and expectations when they were forged in past injury and not in so doing make living with oneself an untenable situation for the other person. I think-put away anger and go forth in dignity-demanding the same. I do not know-I have been a long time in the wars. But thank you for your thoughtful reply.
You make such a valid, and difficult point. I ran across a recent Ted speech yesterday on the same, and think you might be as moved by it as I was.
I won’t embed it here, but leave you with the link. Enjoy.
~M
Thank you.