Being an activist and a “take charge” kind of woman, a lunch yesterday with two of my friends here has me fired up and chomping at the bit to get something going.
Both of these woman are beautiful, funny, talented, dedicated woman, and both are married to men who screw around … a lot. Their husband’s haven’t completely bailed, yet, and the women have been reticent to kick their sorry asses out of the house because … well, because they have kids, families they hope to hold together by their fingernails, and also because they have been so undermined by the processes their spouses put them through that their self-images have suffered terrible blows.
Given my present circumstance, and my past, as well, I am sick and tired of finding myself and so many other admirable women mired in misery and feeling alone with it.
I am now seriously contemplating starting a club here: The Fabulous Women With Philandering Husbands Club. (Or possibly, reducing the last bit to “crap husbands”.)
I’m imagining the force such a collection of determination, a sharing of experiences, a system of mutual support might generate, and the fallout from such a group. For one thing, I can envision a large contingent, dressed to the nines, descending on one of the more popular night spots where cheaters and whores congregate and the palpitations that could cause. And simply the fact that we would be public about our personal dramas instead of hiding ourselves away as if the fact that our husbands are slimy cheaters is somehow our fault might actually have one or two of the men experience just a bit of appropriate shame over their behavior, rather than the chest-puffing that comes along with thinking they and their friends know something we don’t know.
One of my lunch companions said, when I mentioned this, “Well, everyone I know would want to join.” That, sadly, is a statement on the acceptability of unfaithfulness of men here … and perhaps everywhere … but it might also cause some pause for thought among some who are contemplating infidelity.
After all, how much fun could it be to know that once a week your wife gets together with her friends, compares notes and info and laughs their head off at how incredibly stupid you are and how trashy and used your ego-boosting blow job queen really is?
“Her? Oh, yeah. My husband did her a couple of months ago and thought it was love, too.”
Just a thought at the moment, but there seems to be support for the idea rallying. I’ll put out a press release locally if I can manage to pull this off, and I’m betting we get quite the response. As small as Seychelles is, it could become quite difficult very fast for any guy to get away with much without someone knowing and passing along the info. A little fear in the heart does no man any harm.
There is power in information and in numbers, and no reason in the world for all of us dealing with this to suffer in silence and alone. This added as yet another consequence of irresponsible and selfish acts sounds good to me.
Thoughts?
A collection of my short stories:
I'm in this one, too ...
And I'm in here, as well ...
Paradise Preoccupied 
I think you should call it
The Lorraina (Lorena?) Bobbitt Training Club ;~))
Oh! Oh! I can do the advertising! How about a 50’s style housewife holding a REALLY BIG KNIFE and the motto, “FWWPH: We cut our own damn lawns, too!”
That should make them think twice about going tete-a-dick with any of the local mattressbacks.
Do it.
I like the title you chose. It doesn’t reek of bitterness, it sounds positive. Three years ago, just shy of my 50th birthday it happened to me. I searched online for some sort of support system, but just found angry, bitter woman still dreaming of revenge years down the line. I was unsuccessful in finding women who had taken charge and turned a negative into a positive. Perhaps because they were out living fabulous lives, or so I hoped… hope was what I needed and also to know I was not alone in feeling the incredible conflicting emotions that were wrecking havoc on my body and soul. I think you could go global with this one. Franchise!
Well I am glad to see that you are writing again, that is very healthy. I am at my father-in-law’s house and trying to access my email for the first time in a week. (While I have been staying at my mom’s I have had no email access) Here in Walnut Creek I cannot get to my email address book via this route and wanted to email you, so….I checked your website to see if you were active again, and when I saw that you were, I decided that this is the only way I can figure out how to contact you right now. Please email back to my email address so that I have that to reply to directly. Sorry for this public forum for my private info.
Since my mother’s stoke, I have hardly had a moment to myself. Now with the death of Lanny’s dad, everything is in turmoil (did you get my email???) Tomorrow is the funeral and we are consumed with getting everything right. My main job is to be supportive of Lanny. My brother flew out on Wed. and will be staying with my mom until the 16th so that I can devote all of my attention to Lanny.
I have been wondering how you are doing, and worrying about you, even if I have not been able to communicate with you. I am sorry that I was not able to call you as planned, but I thought I had explained that to you. I was reading your blog about your friends who are experiencing wonderful opportunities right now…I sure am not one of your friends who has had life take me to new positive heights. Things are pretty sucky right now. Jane
I’m with Jo, go global!
Lisa
Yes, go global! This is an awesome idea!!!!!
My first visit here and right away I can totally relate. I came to the conclusion years ago that the best thing women can do for themselves is to not get mired in these energy-draining personal relationships with men. The whole marriage paradigm is a product of a patriarchal society and just doesn’t work — especially for women. Women need to form social groups of their own and work together to help each other raise children, work, provide emotional support and pool resources. Right now there are millions of bitter, shattered women living alone with their children trying to cope with hurt, betrayal, beaten self-esteem and the daily struggle of living. Think what we could accomplish if we banded together as family type groups in twos, threes, fours or more.
This would be a huge success, unfortunatley. In your situation you were blindsighted by infidelity. It is the friends you talk about that KNOWINGLY let their husbands wander that give the rest of the men in the world the notion that they can do it too.
I think that women, even or maybe especially those who continue to stay in marriage with unfaithful husbands, are the victims, not the betrayers. Many, many women who are betrayed by philandering husbands are suffering in situations with their self-esteem eroding away to nothing. We should be as compassionate and encouraging with these women as we can. They are in a horrible position and none of us knows the exact circumstances or experiences these women are operating under, or how paralyzing those circumstances or experiences may be.
Is marriage really the problem?. Or is it the message so many societies, including and especially the US of A, send out in relation to marriage. That marriage is a temporary, make-me-happy-or-I-leave, it’s-all-about-getting-MY-needs-met, keep-it-while-it’s-fun, you’re-here-to-make-me-happy, no-big-deal, divorce-when-it-gets-to-be-to-much-of-a-hassle party of sex and good times. Marriage CAN BE a wonderful thing… there can be fun times and good times and finishing each other’s sentences and comfort in a cold world and best friends and on and on. But you have to put in to get out….no free rides.
And to make an obvious conclusion, men are only interested when it’s women putting out (pun intended)….
Oh Boy! Info travels fast let alone in Seychelles! You have a time bomb there!
My good friend (Geneviève) has a theory (from her own personal experience)…Men who are unfaithfull are (usually)contagious…
Thankfully I never had to experience what you are going through but both my Mother and Aunt had to and I was indirectly a victim. I love my Father Dearly (I didn’t know my Uncle all that well). If I can give you one word of advise…try to keep your chin up.
You are in my thoughts, I know it is tough!
– Hugs –
Saskia
Hate to tell you this – but all men in Seychelles cheat on their wives. Its in their blood and they would be a lesser man if they didn’t have a mistress!
Ick!
[…] has me fired up and chomping at the bit to get something going. ? Both of these woman are beautihttps://sandrahanksbenoiton.wordpress.com/2008/05/10/the-fwwph/Spit happens? Creative Loafing CharlotteGod don’t like ugly … or adultery… By Nsenga […]
My father was a serial cheater – until we all moved to Australia. Evidently the women here have taste … but the minute we moved back to Seychelles it was on for young and old again … the thing he doesn’t get is that these women don’t want him … they don’t really want to be *ick* having sex with him … they’re in it for the money, the gifts, the trips to the outer islands etc etc … how stupid and vain can you be??? If Seychellois women didn’t put up with it it would NOT be acceptable … i have told my (very) Australian fiance that if i ever caught him cheating he would be hurtin (physically) for a very very long time (please no lorrena bobbett jokes)… and I’m not a violent person…I just would NOT put up with that shit … I will not be my mother’s daughter in that respect. But there is hope … the last time it happened … he thought he could just come home and sit in front of the tv as if nothing had happened …. until my mum came home from work, saw him there… took her shoe off and split the back of his head open it. He THOROUGHLY deserved it and I lost the little respect left I had for him as a father.