Posted in Children, Family, Friends, Island life, Seychelles, tagged Calina Norton, Christmas, Kim Pockpas on December 27, 2008| 1 Comment »
Sam got a camera from Uncle T and Auntie R for Christmas, so he was the official photographer for the holiday.
Enjoy …
The discochristmas tree ... it spins!
KJ and Cj hanging out Christmas morn
Calina Christmas morning
Sam, Kimmy and Cj
Fairy bearing gift
Christmas dinner at Gay's
Christmashead Murphy
Sam and his pal, Estelle
Cj posing ... as per instuctions ... for Sam
Posted in Family, Friends, Island life, Seychelles, tagged Magnar Mork, Portia Vries on December 12, 2008| 11 Comments »
Friend steps
Portia rather dropped in from out of the sky, which was a bonus, and we put her on a plane back to South Africa this morning. I’ve only known her for a few days, but she fit well into the family and is already missed.
Magnar has been around for much longer, although not to the same degree as he has been this week. (Note the photo of the exploding Norwegian and get an idea of his impact on my veranda.)
Magnar and I are having a big party here tomorrow to mark the occasion of his 36th birthday … photos and blog posts to follow. What we’re not talking about, not even for a minute if I can help it, is the fact that it will also be his going-away party.
Yes, Magnar leaves for Norway Sunday morning, and whether or not he comes back is still up in the air and depends on factors we have little control over … although I am doing my damnedest to ensure a return soon next year.
Just writing that brings tears to my eyes, but this blog is supposed to be therapeutic, so I must slog through the feelings his imminent departure conjures.
To tell the truth, I really don’t know how I’m going to make it without him.
Magnar has saved me, and not only through his tremendous hugs and comforting love, but also because he’s a bloody annoying nag that can fix anything. He has taken such good care of me and the kids, leveled my road, sorted out computer issues, set up my phone so I can access the Internet from anywhere, taught Sam the value of hard work and challenges, and generally set the bar for all of us inspiring the best, and not just to make him proud, but because he sees us for what we are and believes in us.
(He just saw me crying while writing and noticed how much I need a hug. He knows I’m writing about him, so asked me to include something about how often I’ve left him snot-covered. Feckin’ Norwegian!)
People come into my life, then they go … although never completely. With the Internet, I now have dear, dear friends I’ve never met, and for those who have shared my veranda a way to stay in touch every day and forever. And how great is that?
But change is a part of life, and with island life a predictable part of the process. I’m much better at airport good-byes than I was the first few years here, and see them coming years in advance, but some are impossible.
This one will be impossible, and the only hope I have of not falling to bits is to be so hungover that my head stops my heart from noticing.
Yes, I have wonderful friends … the best in the world … now they just have to stop leaving me.
The detritus of an exploding Norwegian
The family ... this morning
Posted in Family, Friends, Island life, Seychelles, tagged Commonwealth Games, facebook, Magnar Mork, South Africa, Switzerland on December 10, 2008| 4 Comments »
Portia ... stong in many ways
Take yesterday, for an example …
A while back I was “friended” by a young woman in South Africa. She sent her “add” invite to me because I’m listed in the “Seychelles network”, and she was engaged to a man here, so was interested in meeting people living in the country.
We “poked” back and forth and followed each others lives as posted on our “walls”, so when I read that she was planning a trip over, I sent her my phone number and suggested she give a call so we could meet in person.
She had just returned to SA from the Commonwealth Games in Cyprus where she took the gold in her weightlifting class … an impressive achievement … and wanted to surprise her hubby-to-be.
Wish I’d had a chance to warn her about Seychellois men …
Upon finding out that it was her to be surprised … him, not so much … she was not only heartbroken, but stuck — nowhere to stay but his empty flat, knowing no one and with a ticket that had her here until the 11th of January.
I was very pleased to get her call, but less so to learn of her situation. Of course, my immediate reaction was: Get your butt down here, Sweetie.
I picked her up in town, brought her home and dropped her right into the fray that is Magnar packing and Calina and Kim doing a sleepover … a full house!
With “dumped” being a familiar word on my veranda, there was is no shortage of commiseration … or wine … so she settled in, vented, bonded and now feels like one of this fab little family I’ve grown over the past months.
And all because of an online social intro that led to a much-needed bolt hole and friendships that will go on for ages.
I won’t even go into the phone calls from Switzerland that had me sharing my moon in the wee hours of this morning …
Wow.
Amazing.
Photo Credit: Magnar Mork
Posted in Expat Living, Family, Friends, Island life, Seychelles, tagged Disneyland, The Waltons on December 8, 2008| 3 Comments »
Magnar and Calina ... beauties both
One thing I can say for not having a husband in the house anymore … it sure leaves room, and time, for friends.
Over the past week I’ve had Calina staying with me, and Magnar most days and nights, as well, and it’s been great. Relaxed and easy, it’s felt a bit like an extended episode of The Waltons, only with different accents, Calina being French and English and Magnar, Norwegian, so very little of West Virginia happening vocally here.
Goodnight, Calina!
Goodnight, Sam!
Goodnight, Cj!
Goodnight, Magnar!
Goodnight, Sandra!
Last night the kids went to Grandma’s house and we big kids went to a Christmas Party at our friend Deb’s house, and, yes, there are photos …
The three of us ...
Sleeping Beauty ... the nap before the party
Note: Calina really is Sleeping Beauty, or was … at Disneyland Paris. Just imagine her in a blond wig and you get the picture. Smile and wave … smile and wave …
Posted in Adoption, Cambodia, Children, Family, Friends, International Adoption, tagged sick kids on December 5, 2008| 1 Comment »
Cj ... one happy girl!
Seems she’d tossed her cookies, then stoically tidied and moved.
What is it with this kid?
Never in my life have I known a child as calm and collected as my Cj, and I can’t help but wonder how these traits will serve her as she grows.
She’s the happiest kid I’ve ever known … if given the choice between happy or un, she chooses happy every time, and happily. She smiles even when fighting tears, or tries to, and pulls herself together after tragedy faster than most adults.
A few hours later, she was crying. When I went to her she only said, “I want my Sam”, so I helped in to her brother’s bed again and she immediately settled and slept peacefully until 5:30 this morning, our usual wake-up time.
(Have to add here that dear Kim … off to London for a week … called Calina, and it seems she was ill last night, too. She was on about being all brave and stuff … right up to the point that Calina reminded her that Cj is THREE. Oops.)
Is there a genetic element to Cj’s stoicism? Some influence from me? Did spending the first 13 weeks of her life in an orphanage somehow toughen her up and make her determined to always look on the bright side?
Or is it just who she is?
Not that it matters.
We are all, when it comes down to it, no more or less than the sum of parts, and who we are.
I just happen to have the supreme good fortune to add to who I am the title of Cj’s mom”.
Posted in Adoption, Children, Family, Friends, International Adoption, orphans, The United Nations, World politics, tagged AIDS, Dallas Cowboys, San Francisco 49ers on December 1, 2008| 2 Comments »
Wear YOUR Red Ribbon
I’m from California, as longtime readers know, and one thing we Californians have experienced is the devastation AIDS has brought to families, friends, communities … the love lost, the hearts broken, the bonds torn.
I don’t know anyone from home who hasn’t been personally touched by this disease. Not one.
I lost a cousin and dozens of dear, dear friends over the years, and to this day not only miss all, I still have with me … although halfway around the world … my darling Robbie, who has been living with AIDS for 26 years.
Robbie is one of my oldest friends. We worked together at a zoo in California where we both loved the same chimps and orang utans, and where we did almost everything together.
After his partner of 17 years died of the disease, he moved in across the street from me, and every night we would watch movies and talk and eat and have a beer or two, and every Sunday during football season we would hang out on his bed and watch every game we could. (He’s a big Dallas fan … I was hot for the 49ers)
I did my first AIDS Day march with him, then every year after, and he was sitting next to me the first time I saw “Philadelphia” … made me wonder if when I went to see Syble if I shouldn’t have done that with someone with a multiple personality.
Through my work writing in the adoption world, I have had the good fortune of knowing families who have adopted HIV+ children, intentionally, and since the disease in Western nations no longer conveys an immediate death sentence have had the wonderful experience of adding these little wonders to their lives.
AIDS. Learn about it. Do something about it. Support efforts to do what can be done to rid the world of this illness. Speak up when issues come up. Encourage those you bring into office to take on the challenges and support research, education and treatment programs.
Here are some links to follow for more info on how to be proactive in this fight:
Posted in Adoption, Cambodia, Children, England, Family, Friends, Fun, International Adoption, Island life, NaBloPoMo, Seychelles, Uncategorized, tagged Luxembourg, New Zealand, Norway, Skype, Sri Lanka on November 24, 2008| 5 Comments »
Kim (South Africa), Sam (Cambodia/Seychelles/UK), Calina (France) ... all together on my couch.
Not only did we have people from Seychelles, Cambodia, the US, the UK, Norway and Australia here, Sam also received birthday greetings … via Skype, facebook and emails from a whole bunch of folks in America, Sis … New Zealand-born, now living near Portland, OR … Sas and Miss B … born in India … in Luxembourg, Liv-Synnove in Norway, Calum in Kenya, Nadiera in Sri Lanka, Mervyn in China, Clint in Lebanon, Oscar in Finland, and friends living here from France, South Africa, and so on.
The fact that the world is small should be an easy one for all to take onboard, but one that appears to elude far too many on this tiny, interconnected planet. Our differences pale in comparison to our similarities, yet seem to get most of the focus outside social networks like facebook and myspace, and blogs, where people tend to go to look for like-minded folks to share with.
We’re a simple species, apparently, and although we can conceive the most amazing ideas and birth creatures that bring us together in ways unimaginable just a few years ago, we tend to lose the plot more than we follow.
I can only hope that the closeness that happens when people from so many different places and backgrounds communicate … I’m not talking about the pinheaded fools who try to turn chat to porn every chance they get — boring, stupid gits, they are — but those who build bridges and lifelong friendships with people they never would have had a chance to know before the world shrunk … will eventually make a huge difference for the positive and lead us away from our base nature and move us into a new realm where we are happier to share hugs than lob grenades.
And send birthday wishes to a little boy in Seychelles.
Cool.
Posted in Adoption, Children, Family, Friends, Fun, International Adoption, Island life, NaBloPoMo, Seychelles, Uncategorized, tagged birthdays, divorce, Magnar Mork, Thanksgiving on November 23, 2008| 10 Comments »
Sam’s birthday was on the 10th, but that fell during his time with his dad, so we decided to do a birthday redo today, the first weekend home again.
I have to admit that the day had a tang of the bittersweet for me, and I suffered with that taste in the back of my throat through the morning. Not only did I navigate the first family celebration as a single parent since Jenn and Jaren were young, I also did my first non-spontaneous party, meaning that the tag-team Mark and Sandra show was obvious in its absence. The dance that we choreographed over 15 years that had him doing the food while I did drinks and entertainment was today a pas de one … a difference, a change to be recognized, new steps to be learned.
Stick today on top of the mountain that is Thanksgiving looming … my favorite holiday that has me bumming myself out every year I’ve lived so far from my original family … and, well, it’s the Blues grabbing me by the heart and tugging.
Had a good cry while Skyping with Sis, then sucked it up and made the day fun and love-and-laugh filled. Friends gathered. Kids played. Magnar manned the BBQ. Stan toted and tidied. A good time was had by all.
Tried to load a vid, but it won’t work. There are photos on my facebook page, though.
Posted in Family, Island life, NaBloPoMo, Seychelles, tagged divorce, Joey + Rory, Paradise FM on November 21, 2008| 6 Comments »
Just can’t resist posting this …
And when I go back to Paradise FM next year, this may be my theme song …
Posted in Adoption, Adoption Advocacy, Children, Entitled to opinions, Family, Friends, International Adoption, NaBloPoMo, Older Parent Adoption, orphans, Writing for a living, tagged Adoption Under One Roof, Coco, Crushing Krisis, OURadopt on November 18, 2008| 3 Comments »
I had so many comments … both on the blog and privately … on yesterday’s post that I reckon some addressing is due.
First, I’d like to thank everyone who has voiced the opinion that my voice is still valid in the adoption world. That is tremendously encouraging. The fact that even Coco lent encouragement is huge for me … thank you, Coco … and I’ll tell you why.
The online adoption community is notoriously fractious, and in my years of writing on the subject I have made no few enemies … some who have taken their level of vitriol so far beyond the realm of polite reason that mud blobs with my name on them stuck to the net will outlive me.
So much of this has felt counterproductive from the early days of my writing on the subject, and I refuse to pussyfoot my POV, as healthy debate has always seemed a good way to forge links that might eventually provide foundations for bridge building.
A conversation with Gershom, an adoptee who wrote what for all intents and purposes … and title … was anti-adoption, ended up in a dialog that encouraged everyone involved to participate in supporting the right of adoptees to their identity, and I’m pleased to say that she and I have developed respect for each other … a friendship, even
Coco and I also have had issues, but although we differ greatly in attitude, we have found the common ground and mutual respect that will eventually provide the only means to true reform that will protect those needing protection without cutting children needing families out of the equation completely.
Both of these relationships forged in fire where the inspiration behind the formation of Adoption Under One Roof, the community I helped found … then felt unworthy of continuing to contribute toward (although I hope and plan to reenter soon) … that was based on the idea of bringing all notes in the adoption triad together to learn to sing harmoniously, rather than harp on discord … or dis”chord”, as I think of it in these terms, “triad” also meaning a group of three notes on a chord, not simply opposing positions of those whose lives have been touched by adoption.
Of course, I also thank the adoptive moms that formed the backbone of my readership years back and continue to grow in numbers that form a protective circle around me as they close ranks and ‘get my back’.
And I’m pleased as anything to find new readers like Peter … an amazingly talented musician and writer with no adoption affiliation, as far as I know … adding his related experience to the mountain of support I find myself clinging to these days as I lurch my way up and out and toward the light that leads from the depths to the heights.
Thank you all.
A collection of my short stories:
I'm in this one, too ...
And I'm in here, as well ...
| M | T | W | T | F | S | S |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | ||||||
| 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |
| 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 |
| 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 |
| 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | |
Paradise Preoccupied 