Archive for May 5th, 2007

What’s with the tits?

Ever notice how someone who’s had a boob job is always SO proud of the jugs they bought and paid for? Once the things are healed, it’s all plunging necklines and skimpy tops, and everything short of a belt with an arrow pointing up and epaulettes that read: Hey! Look at these knockers!

It’s not like a person with a new nose suddenly sports horned-rimmed specks and a bushy mustache in hopes that everyone will note the reformed schnoz.

I’m guessing even the multi-facelift freaks manage to half fool themselves into thinking no one notices the stretched expressions of perpetual surprise combined with that oh-so-recognizable post-surgical fish-like quality that is apparently supposed to mimic the dewy look of youth, and if anyone does note a difference in the visage they’ll chalk it up to a good night’s sleep and an extra dose of supplements.

New boobs, however, or the wearers of new boobs, demand attention. They stand up straight, point those puppies in your face and scream, “Gawk! We demand it!”

Perhaps it’s years of Titophilia that brings on this bizarre attraction for one’s own plastic mammaries. Have women who buy breasts been lusting after the bazooms of their friends through years of frustrated push-up bra use and isometric exercise? Does the sudden application of artificial hoo-has prompt an orgy of self-ogling forceful enough to cause whiplash that wants company?

Or maybe it’s an affluence thing … my boobs cost more than your boobs!

I don’t mind at all if someone wants to buy themselves a new rack, but I do find myself at a loss as to how to appropriately comment when they’re presented like John the Baptist’s head.

As a comfortable, secure heterosexual woman, I can appreciate the beauty of breasts on the female form, but don’t ask me to take one in the eye, thankyuouverymuch, and making much of much does grate.

So, how does one acknowledge what so obviously wants acknowledging?

How about, “I have a couple of those myself … “?

Plastic Boobs

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