Posts Tagged ‘Jaren Eli Combes’

Two Years …

A fav shot of Jaren and Me

Jaren Eli Combes
February 17, 1971 – June 2, 2009

The world is a poorer place without this son of mine in it. The past two years have seen less kindness, fewer laughs, flashes of brilliance that didn’t happen, music unwritten.

There is a part of me that would like to indulge today, to write out the experience, to talk about the shock of such a loss, the little I recall of the months that followed, the ways I attempt to cope, the erosion of my foundations and many changes, but I can’t.

What I can do, however, is take comfort from the fact that he is well missed by many and share a tribute.

My thanks to Todd Brock for the videos and the site, to Adam Orth, Tim Kirk, Damian Anastasio, Scott Lancaster, Orb Kamm, Liza Welshman, Tink Moss and many others who have let me know just how much impact Jaren had on their lives.

For Jennifer, Sam, Cj and Seb I am more grateful that I can ever express.

If you’d like to spend some time with Jaren, Todd’s memorial website is here.

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Jaren Eli Combes 17 Feb. 1971 - 2 June 2009

February 17, 1971
7:41 am
6 pounds 13 ounces of blue-eyed joy bouncing baby boy
Jaren Eli Combes

He should be 40 today, but he didn’t get enough time … not nearly enough.

Click here for a story about Jaren’s birth … and here for a bit about his death.

The only gift I can still give him I share with you now. The music was a Christmas gift to me a few years ago, a beautiful song I had played at Jaren’s funeral that seemed a fitting background then, and for these images of my beautiful son. It is actually called “Eternal Hug”, although I call it “Maternal Hug”, an apt summation of a mother’s love …

And some of his words that bang a gong loudly …

Out of Mind
© Jaren Eli Combes 2002

What if I cared, felt gravity
or had clever opinions?
What if I was close,
or easily reached?
Kill this separation.
I know you couldn’t know
you’d wake and tear me up
Never let it go — thought
you’d all had enough
And if there was a way
I’d fuck it up somehow
Dropped off all your screens
Don’t have to see me now

Got you to ignore
not worth it for me
seems it was contagious
Don’t try anymore
Best I believe
I got here on purpose
I know you couldn’t know
You’d wake and tear me up
Never let it go
thought you all had enough
If you gave me time to change
You’d have given up by now
And shallow as I am
Somehow I still drown.

And some of his music …

Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.
~Edna St Vincent Millay

Yes … I miss you like hell, my boy. I miss you like hell …

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