Paradise Preoccupied

Between Internet connection issues and a whole lotta personal emotional housecleaning, I’m a couple of days late on posting on the BBC story on depression in men that I find … well … amusing.

According to the headline, “Male depression ‘set to increase'” ….

Psychiatrists have warned that the number of men with depression could rise because of changes in Western society.

An article in the British Journal of Psychiatry suggests economic and social changes will erode traditional sources of male self-esteem.

The authors say men will struggle with the shift away from traditional male and female roles.

Although most of the story involves, “men’s failure to fulfill the role of breadwinner”, the idea presents that quite a few changes in society might have the effect of dragging down the mood a bit, perhaps even kicking men into the depression game in numbers that come close to equaling women sufferers.

Not being able to get what they want, when they want might have more than a few men singing the blues, and bring in the fact that more and more women are voicing THEIR wants strongly and we’ve got a whole chorus of Poor ME happening.

Please pardon my slightly bitter tone, but I’ve had a nasty taste in my mouth for the last couple of days and am in no frame of mind to go all squishy/sweet/concerned over the idea that guys might be getting close to inhabiting the same world we women have had to deal with forfuckingever.

Considering the fact that roughly twice as many woman as men suffer from depression … and that’s about 12 million in the US alone every year … it seems only right that men start hopping aboard that train too often mistaken for a light at the end of a tunnel.

Protecting fragile egos, isolating ourselves from other women, allowing manipulation out of some sense of keeping the peace, tolerating abuse, ignoring lies … all this shit can go, Girls, and if the guys can’t handle it, fuck ’em … and I do not mean that literally.

Generations of women have fallen into the trap baited with “happy ever after”, only to learn long after the routine has been established that the happy bit isn’t supposed to apply to them. And while we’re settling for so much less than what we suspect we deserve, the men have grown progressively lazier, needier, wimpier.

No wonder they’re lining up for the Prozac. Real life might actually be intruding on their worlds!

As Mental Health America points out:

Married people have a lower rate of depression than those living alone. However, unhappily married people have the highest rates of depression; happily married men have the lowest rates.

No stats on the rate of depression in the women who make those men so “happily married”. I’m guessing a lot of them are on the meds as they feed the ego monster, fix themselves up so they look pretty, provide sex on demand, raise kids, keep a tidy house, bring in paychecks, ignore cheating, and busy themselves doing whatever else it might take to keep that guy checking the “happily married” box.

Okay. There are some wonderful men out there who make terrific husbands, but those aren’t the sort to dive into the depths of depression when their self-esteem is eroded by a shifting away from traditional male/female roles. Those guys are the ones who respect their wives as fully-functioning humans, equal in all respects … and are respectful and treat the woman in their life as they would expect to be treated.

We’ve been cutting way too much slack, and it’s taken it’s toll on us, Ladies. It’s time we cut the cord … and the crap … and demanded our men be AT LEAST as strong as we are. And as good. And as caring. And as honest.

“The Strength of a Man”
by Jacqueline Marie Griffiths

The strength of a man isn’t seen in the width of his shoulders.
It’s in the width of his arms that encircle you.

The strength of a man isn’t in the deep tone of his voice.
It’s in the gentle words he whispers.

The strength of a man isn’t how many buddies he has.
It’s how good a buddy he is with his kids.

The strength of a man isn’t in how respected he is at work.
It’s in how respected he is at home.

The strength of a man isn’t in how hard he hits.
It’s in how tender he touches.

The strength of a man isn’t in the hair on his chest.
It’s in his heart, that lies within his chest.

The strength of a man isn’t how many women he’s loved.
It’s in being true to one woman.

The strength of a man isn’t in the weight he can lift.
It’s in the burdens he can carry.

Amen …

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