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Archive for September 21st, 2010

“All knowledge, the totality of all questions and all answers is contained in the dog.” ~ Franz Kafka

I did a post a while back about search engine parameters and the amazingly silly things people go actively seeking on the web that have them landing on my blog, so this story today caught my eye: Top 10 ‘unanswerable’ questions revealed.

Seems there’s a legion of folks not only looking to the Internet for references to “tits pointing up” and the “meaning of Scrabble”, but answers to the questions that the asking of makes us human.

Internet search engine Ask Jeeves has compiled what it called a top 10 of “unanswerables” in the past decade.

The list is based on some 1.1 billion queries made on the site since its launch in 2000.

That’s a whole lotta queries.

In my copious spare time, I field questions for Answers.com as a Wiki editor, and, yes, I’ve seen some doozies, but have yet to have anyone ask Number 10 on Jeeve’s list of this mere mortal.

JEEVES’ UNANSWERABLES

1. What is the meaning of life?

2. Is there a God?

3. Do blondes have more fun?

4. What is the best diet?

5. Is there anybody out there?

6. Who is the most famous person in the world?

7. What is love?

8. What is the secret to happiness?

9. Did Tony Soprano die?

10. How long will I live?

I’m trying to imagine the mindset of the thousands of folks who typed that into a search box, then clicked. Could there have been the fleeting thought that a divine hand took part in the programming that would recognize the IP and divulge a date … a la Owen Meany?

At least there’s some pensive sagacity in a search for clues to wisdom beyond our scope, even if hitting up a search engine is a far cry from plumbing the depths of a soul.

But that’s our culture, isn’t it? Yo! I thought of the question, so someone feed me the answer … now! A look at Number 3 has me wondering why “Less filling? Tastes great?” didn’t make the list.

So … because I can, and because I’m bored as hell this morning and need to amuse myself for 5 minutes … this being my blog and all … I’m going to answer these unanswerable questions to the best of my limited ability.

1. A film by the Pythons

2. There are many gods. Always have been. Always will be. The present version looks a lot like Morgan Freeman. (Hear the one about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac who tossed and turned all night wondering if there is a dog?)

3. Whatevahhhh …..

4. Food

5. Yes. He’s cutting my grass as I type.

6. Michael Jackson, unfortunately

7. Never having to say you’re sorry

8. A drawer full of spare batteries

9. Fiction, folks. Life is not the same as TV. Really.

10. As long as you’re supposed to.

You’re welcome.

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