This time last year, I was digesting the news that my ex-husband had killed himself and foolishly thinking that 2009 would HAVE to be a better year.
Well … I’m done with those sorts of thoughts.
“Things can’t get any worse” is a phrase that will never again cross my lips or enter into my mind, and this year has provided proof absolute that worse happens, as I thought I had stressed sans equivocation in my last post.
Just when I thought it was safe to go back into the summing up pool … after a year fraught with uncertainty, fights and fear, disappointment, betrayal, and hitting an all time low with the sudden death of my son … hoping against hope that the last few days of this horrid year would slither by without creating one more drop of misery, my mother was taken into hospital. THEN, after surgery to correct the issue that was making her miserable, she had a heart attack. Yesterday.
So … another year ends, and although I am very glad to see the back of it, hoping for better in the next one feels too much like tempting the fates to fuck things up even worse. I still have a lot to lose.
Wish me no Happy New Year. Keep all Hallmark admonishments to put on a smiley face, party like a rock star, make the most of it … blah, blah, blah.
I’m tired, my friends.