This time last year, I was digesting the news that my ex-husband had killed himself and foolishly thinking that 2009 would HAVE to be a better year.
Well … I’m done with those sorts of thoughts.
“Things can’t get any worse” is a phrase that will never again cross my lips or enter into my mind, and this year has provided proof absolute that worse happens, as I thought I had stressed sans equivocation in my last post.
Just when I thought it was safe to go back into the summing up pool … after a year fraught with uncertainty, fights and fear, disappointment, betrayal, and hitting an all time low with the sudden death of my son … hoping against hope that the last few days of this horrid year would slither by without creating one more drop of misery, my mother was taken into hospital. THEN, after surgery to correct the issue that was making her miserable, she had a heart attack. Yesterday.
So … another year ends, and although I am very glad to see the back of it, hoping for better in the next one feels too much like tempting the fates to fuck things up even worse. I still have a lot to lose.
Wish me no Happy New Year. Keep all Hallmark admonishments to put on a smiley face, party like a rock star, make the most of it … blah, blah, blah.
I’m tired, my friends.
A collection of my short stories:
I'm in this one, too ...
And I'm in here, as well ...
Paradise Preoccupied 
RAWHIDE!!!!!!!!!! Yeah it did feel like a long long cattle drive. You have every right to feel tired.
Rowdy Yates!
Very sorry to hear about your mother. When both parents are gone, regardless of your age you become an orphan.
Keep healthy – I will raise a toast to you and your mother tonight.
xoxox
Sending you hugs and only warm comforting thoughts.
Sandra, I’ve sat here for 5 min. after typing your name knowing I wanted to respond but trying to figure out what to say. I’m reminded of two mantras I found myself saying in times of recent need. “I have only myself to rely on.” and “I can’t go on, I can’t go on, I just have to pick myself up and go on.” Not works of comfort I know, but I’m not sure any words of comfort really exist for what you have gone through over the past 2 years. Sitting here, thinking of you….Jane
Yes, you have every right to feel tired. Despite the fact that this is just small plaster for your sorrows…. we are still here, with bag of peanut butter cups, ready to soothe all your pains. Thinking of you and love you loads.
Just breathe, baby. Sometimes its all you can do.
Sandra, I am so sorry about your Mom! I didn’t read this until after I sent my new year wishes via facebook.
I do think you deserve a break in 2010, you have had way too many raw deals in 2009!
Hang in there!
Breathe, hang and pick myself up … yep. All I need now would be those Peanut Butter Cups!
i hope your mom is ok, sandra…. what a crappy way for 2009 to come to a close…
i hope she recovers quickly and that this next year is a year for healing and love…for both of you… enough already.