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Archive for December 7th, 2009

Since I’ve been writing about testicles, it seems as good a time as any to hammer on a bit about impotence. In this case, the notorious … and mega-costly … impotence of the United Nations.

It’s never a hard bang, as the UN provides fodder almost daily, but today is exceptionally easy.

Starting with this article titled, “Copenhagen summit must be global turning point, UN climate chief says”, we are treated to the usual spin cranked out by the giant PR machine funded by countries all over the world motivated by the need to appear to be doing something positive.

Mr de Boer said his Christmas wish was that politicians and officials “keep it simple”. “What I want to see at the end of this conference is a list of rich country targets that are ambitious, clarity on what major developing countries will do to limit the growth of their emissions and a list of financial pledges that will make it possible for the much broader developing nation community both to change the direction of their economic growth and adapt to the inevitable effects of climate change – that’s what I’m asking Father Christmas for,” he said.

Ignore all the “non-binding”s and “not an outright cut, but a slowing of emissions growth”s and go with the Santa thing, and it sounds okay, I guess.

But …

Like everything the UN does, there’s a flip-side reality that spins things a bit differently.

Like …

Copenhagen climate summit: 1,200 limos, 140 private planes and caviar wedges.

Good for business in Copenhagen, for sure, and a fun time for all lucky enough to make a living ostensibly working for the good of the planet.

Given that the bulk of delegates will be testicle-bearing, there is bound to be much posturing, and even that is being addressed …

… even the prostitutes are doing their bit for the planet. Outraged by a council postcard urging delegates to “be sustainable, don’t buy sex,” the local sex workers’ union – they have unions here – has announced that all its 1,400 members will give free intercourse to anyone with a climate conference delegate’s pass. The term “carbon dating” just took on an entirely new meaning.

… so perhaps releasing a bit of the pressure.

After all, this is work, remember …

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My dear friend, Gay, touts a simple solution to many of the world’s problems: universal male castration.

Her thinking goes party as follows:

Naturally produced sperm is no longer necessary for the manufacture of new people, and who needs it by the bucket-load anyway?

Ridding the world of the testosterone-ladened can only reduce violence, and have the added advantage of allowing men to do more thinking with their big heads, rather than be ruled by their little ones.

Testicles are hardly the most attractive of male features.

Being a huge fan of male danglies myself, I find her proposal a bit drastic, but must admit to an attraction to the thought, nonetheless.

An article from the BBC today does go far toward illustrating Gay’s point.

One in four South African men questioned in a survey said they had raped someone, and nearly half of them admitted more than one attack.

With a recent report quoted as saying ” … a child was being raped in South Africa every three minutes … “, the suggestion of ball removal does have appeal.

Given that today happens to be the anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor, the whole testosterone-driven, conquer-the-world-and-kill-a-whole-bunch-of-people-while-you’re-at-it thing resonates more than a bit.

Would the world be a better place, and would men be happier creatures, if the juice that drives so much of the machine lost its compelling oomph? Would male bonding have more positive impact if they didn’t each carry their best friend around in their pants?

Feel free to discuss, and if you’d like to put Gay in charge, I’ll pass along the message.

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