I was prepared for this … sort of … a black hole drawing me in once the few weeks of busy prep and positive attention for the book launch was over, but like so much these days, it’s worse than expected.
I’m back to tears and constant shaking, and it takes all the juice I have to keep the kids on what level ground I can create for them. Loneliness is eating me alive, and sadness has me for dessert.
I know I need to find something to focus on, a couple of bootstraps to pull myself up by, but right now I just don’t have it in me. I’m hoping something changes once my birthday/anniversary-of-falling-in-love-with-Mark, is behind me, as it looms with all the power of 15 years of memories and a future of dashed hope.
A collection of my short stories:
I'm in this one, too ...
And I'm in here, as well ...
Paradise Preoccupied 
It’s normal to have a let-down after such a big achievment and especially now when you’re going through such a major life’s upheaval. I know it doesn’t feel it “on top” where we have such immediate access to feelings, but you really ARE doing very well and we are all so very proud of you. For the book, yes….it’s such a terrific achievment. But also for the day in, day out that you do for yourself and your kids. Hard times and dark days will be a fading memory, soon. Lean on family and friends…it’s what we’re here for 🙂
How could you not be down? This is worse than trying to recover after a death. Recovering from such betrayal is like recovering from a major illness, not something that is going to happen overnight. But slowly you’re healing, although the signs may not be visible yet.
Hold your head up… infact get a bat and smash all of his pictures in! Thats what I would do, but I’m a little violent like that…sometimes roflol. Sometimes we need a good release though.
The protest kicked ass! Thank you for your support! You so rock, fuck him.
Thank you all.
And, Gersh, I am SO pleased to hear that the protest went off well. I hope there were loads of adoptive parents there lending their voices. If you have links to coverage, please send them to my private email. I’d love to read all about it!
Sorry to have dropped away from the fight, but I only have so much energy to go around and it’s been sucked away lately.
Oh totally understand. separation can really pull everything out of you, with men, mothers, fathers etc. whatever, whoever, separation hurts.
I’ll send you some stuff, it got twisted a bit, but thats the media for ya!
We’re going to philly for next years conference! There was an adoptive parent there with us and she really helped out a lot and I am grateful, yes GRATEFUL for that.
Don’t be sorry for anything, just take care of you 🙂