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Sam got a cool camera for Christmas from Uncle and Auntie … thank you!!! … and shoots and shoots and shoots. He has quite a good eye and takes some amazing pix, which has been no surprise considering his talents.

What has been a revelation, however, is what Cj accomplishes when she’s behind the lens. Of course, her model is top-class …

An Italian friend’s take on facebook …
by Fabio Mastrangelo
(thanks!)

“un click….il buio improvviso…e tutto cessa….
il cuore rallenta i suoi battiti…..
tutto sembra morire ..piano… piano …
come goccia di rugiada che cade dalla sua foglia..
lentamente …un salto nel nulla…poi la noia….

l’anima si accartoccia su se stessa come una marionetta senza fili ..priva di vita apparente….
e tutto tace ..
esisitere diventa non esisitere….
come un ruscello privo del suo corso d’acqua
o rara perla dell’oceano senza rifugio …..

ed il giorno stanco si trascina …lento …lento…
e va a morire in un cupo tramonto …che mestamente si colora solo del tuo silenzio …..”

With the following two vids and the music in them, I don’t need to say a word today. They say it all …

“Lucky” Official Video With Colbie Caillat

If you’ve not yet heard of Kiva … an organization I support … please take a few minutes to watch the video linked to below and learn a bit.

Of course, since my kids are Cambodian-born, their work in that country is special to me, but Cambodia is far from the only place they make such tremendous contributions.

A Fistful Of Dollars: The Story of a Kiva.org Loan from Kieran Ball on Vimeo.

Please also read the blog post that goes with the video. (Thanks, Kieran!)

A bit of fiction

Things have been far too factual on this blog for a while. It’s time for some fiction.

I wrote this a few days ago. Call me inspired.

Once upon a time …

Planet Real, third world from the star that powered the solar system, was a hostile world; one where no air existed, water was black and toxic, and everything that existed carried razor-sharp edges that drew blood and left those unfortunate enough to come in without a shell scraped and bruised and raw.

Most inhabitants were hatched complete with a leathery covering that soon hardened into interlocking titanium-hard plates covering any soft parts, even though those were few. The clanking of armor was the sound of the people, since they didn’t breathe and had only tiny, silent hearts, and as the population moved through their days they filtered the sound of scraping and grinding from their conscience minds and relied on shouts and clashes to communicate between themselves.

One hot summer’s day, an unusually pinkish egg began the humming that indicated the arrival of a new being on Real. Mutant in its color, there had been some thought to dropping it into the festering sea at the time it appeared, but it was a pretty thing, and it’s soft glow lit corners of the hatchery, so the masters kept it on, thinking, perhaps, it would never hum.

The humming, however, began normally enough with the typical monotone murmur that should increase in volume, but never vary, as the time grew near for a new being to be born. Soon, however, workers were amazed to hear the beginnings of shifts in tone that eventually built into a full-fledged song.

Fear struck hearts when the egg began to harmonize with its own birthing tone and reach into octaves never before heard on Real, and for a moment the panicked workers contemplated smashing the thing.

Before action could be taken, however, the being inside emerged, and the gathered crowd was stunned into stillness that stopped the grinding of their plates. In the silence, they saw that the princess was naked … nothing covered her pink softness … and gasping.

That she was a Princess was never a doubt … this could be seen clearly immediately. Whether or not she would survive, however, was questionable.

Running to the treasury, one worker gathered together an urn of precious air and a few drops of sweet water, then quickly returned and deposited the Princess into the mix and sealed the jar.

Over the course of the next months, a glass room was constructed. Air was manufactured especially for it and snowmelt was flown in from the distant poles, the only place on Real where freshness survived.

The Princess was decanted from her urn, it now growing into a bit of a tight fit, and sealed inside the glass room where she could live and breath and escape the wounds her soft skin would encounter with every move outside her protection.

More than fifty years passed, and aside from constant wishes that she had come into the world with a steel-hard casing, she was reasonably content with her lot. Her view changed often as she was carried from country to country and displayed for a public who could never have imagined a creature so vulnerable, and she grew to accept the grinding of plates as the indication of connection with others.

She even managed to love a few times through the glass, fully prepared for the time the shelled object of her affection would wander away and not return … an event that never failed to occur.

One day, while on exhibit in a distant land, she noticed someone staring intently from beneath the hard covering over his eyes, and she turned her gaze upon him. A soft light she’d never seen before, aside from when gazing at her reflection that bounced from her walls, radiated from him and warmed her in a way she had not known until that minute.

When, after hours, he walked away, she felt as though the air had left her crystal enclosure and she gasped and wondered how she would ever again breathe freely.

The next day, however, he returned … and the one after that and the one after that and the one after that.

Each time, he moved a bit closer to the polished surface of her cocoon, eventually reaching to touch, then stroke the glass. She, too, moved toward him, bathing in his light and imagining the sensation of his encased claws on her unprotected skin, knowing, though, that he could easily rip her to shreds.

Weeks were spent in contemplation … he of her, she of him … and soon their light began to mix, creating colors not seen before on Real. Some spectators thought this a dangerous turn of events, while others were simply amazed and enjoying the show.

A day began like others with him positioned against the glass on the outside and her pressed to the inside. On this day, however, he didn’t leave when the dark of night descended. Rather, he pushed himself ever harder against the glass as his light burned brighter and brighter … hers matching the illumination as they glowed and their colors melted together, then created sparks that reflected from the crystal cage from outside and inside.

The Princess cried when he stepped away, fear dimming her radiance and chilling her defenseless form, and she watched and waited.

And then the impossible happened.

Grasping the plate that covered his heart, he began working it back and forth, back and forth, until it came loose in his claw, then detached. With this silvery scale in hand, he approached the Princess, then dug the sharp end into glass and worked it into the surface. Over hours, he scraped and dug and sawed, the Princess always in his sight, until eventually he created a hole large enough for him to crawl through to her.

Once inside, he removed one claw and deftly replaced the glass and sealed his entrance behind him.

After weeks and months of longing, the Princess rushed to embrace the being, but he stopped her.

“Touch me, and bleed,” he said.

And then … “Wait.”

Slowly and carefully, he one-by-one removed the shell that had protected him for so long, casting aside each bit with little regard.

Wonder of wonders, beneath it all stood a Prince. A Prince of soft flesh with hands and fingers, not claws and scales, and eyes uncovered glowing with sable warmth and golden love.

“Now,” he said.

She stepped into his arms, and for the first time knew the touch of another, the feel of breath upon her skin and a heartbeat as strong and loud as her own.

For one hundred years they lived in comfort in their crystal palace, protected forever from the wounds of Planet Real, breathing air made colorful in the atmosphere they created, pulling each other close, touching, loving, making up for all the years the glass was sealed and the shell in place.

They are there still, the Princess and the Prince … only now they are King and Queen … and they dance to the music that pours from them and teaches their world to yearn for the day all shells will be cast aside.

Celebrate Life

The end of 2008 brought so many goodbyes … so much death … and it’s time I spent some time here reaching into 2009, welcoming the potentials and celebrating life.

I have hope, always, and the beginning of this year requires that I replenish my stores of it.

There is a lot of joy on the edges of the horizon, and so much love coming toward me. I want and need to be ready for it all.

Here’s an inspiration … something that reminds what it’s all about …

Thanks Jo and Paul …

I know I’m coasting here, posting vids instead of writing, but, believe me, my work sucks these days with all the crap swirling in my head … plus, I need all the music and laughs I can get out of every hour.

That being the case, I’m sticking a couple of YouTube contributions up here that had me wetting myself, and anything that can crack me up this much today deserves to be passed along. (Thanks, Jane)

Not a lot of energy available to me today, so I’m simply posting a vid as a gift to all my friends who aren’t all that keen on adoption.

Enjoy this classic rendition … and I hope we can all gather to laugh our asses off, as we cringe …

I can’t believe I am composing this post … especially after the last one.

I learned yesterday that my ex-husband, Scott, killed himself on Tuesday. He would have been 60 on the 27th of this month.

I have been in contact with his wife, Lauren, lending as much support as possible as she tries to absorb this shocking turn of events and wonders: WHY? WHY? WHY?

They have an 11-year-old son … now the same age as Scott was when his father died, also at 58, a tragedy he never learned to live with.

Scott and I were together for 13 years through the ’80s and early ’90s .. the formative years for my older kids … and our relationship was tumultuous, some would say toxic, for most of that time.

It was “Life in the Fast Lane” in every way, not unusual for the time … not one bit healthy, but also never dull.

He was an ad man, so we lived in a social whirl, drove fast cars, traveled the world, drank and smoked too much, and fought like caged ferrets … others referred to us as “The Scott and Sandra Show”, being so drama-charged in our interactions that it was hard to miss the “entertainment value” of our dysfunctional team.

He was an unfaithful spouse, a good-looking man-about-town charmer with a smile that lured women like rats to peanut butter. He was self-involved and often cruel … but I loved him for a long time.

In 1993, I bought myself an around-the-world ticket and left for a year. I needed to get my head together, and couldn’t do that while in the same house, or hemisphere, with him. My kids had grown and moved out and I felt I had completely lost the plot.

He threw a huge party for me, and gave me a compass. He pasted a photo of him inside it and wrote, “So you find your way back” across it.

I didn’t. I found Mark instead, so my return had me staying for only 3 months … time enough to pack what I wanted to take of my old life for my move to England, and to get divorced.

For the past 15 years, he would often phone when drunk and want to talk about our life together. I was the repository of memories … him retaining very few details … and he mined that in me when he could, asking for names and dates and places and recollections.

He contacted me two weeks ago, wanting to give some comfort over the breakup of this marriage of mine, and told me that it had taken him four years to get over my leaving. Whether or not that was some sort of “clearing the decks” act, I will never know, but there was no indication that anything was seriously amiss.

He left no note, and the questions fly around the thought of him at a million miles an hour from hundreds of people.

I cannot believe I end another blog with this, but RIP, Scott. You live in my heart, and always will.

I hate the turn of the year …

.

The 19-year-old me ... mother of 2

The 19-year-old me ... mother of 2

I have been writing much about new love and the wonders it brings, but today is New Years Eve day, and this one … like every one since 1967 … requires that I take some time to dwell on an old one.

I was 16 on this day 41 years ago, in love and feeling as though my future was secure.

Sure, many 16-year-old girls are convinced that their soulmate has found them and that happy-ever-after is a done deal, and perhaps that was the case for me then, but Gary … Gary Wayne Boggs … was special.

Gary and I had been together since I was 14 … a long relationship for a teen … and he was my salvation.

My family life at the time was rocky … to say the least … and his home, complete with his mom and his twin brother, Greg, was my bolt hole, my safe place, the roof under which I could relax and be myself.

I was a wild child, and it being the 60s … we were, after all, only a few months from the “Summer of Love” … had all the chance in the world to live up to the title is spades. I counted amongst my friends Hells Angles and drug dealers and Black Panthers and rock stars … it was California, you see … and I had very close to no parental supervision.

My time was my own, aside from infrequent required check-ins, and no one cared much where I went or what I go up to.

No one, that is, but Gary.

He was 19 in 1967, and had for 2 years taken it upon himself to see that I had someone to answer to. He was patient and understood that I had wings that needed testing, so gave me room to do just that, but it was clear that I would have ‘splainin’ to do if I disappeared for a few days or appeared suddenly looking rode hard and put away wet.

He protected my virginity as if it were some treasure I had no right to squander, and more than once was sent for when I got myself into situations where dire consequence was inevitable.

How many times the sound of his Harley would thunder from the street signaling a saving grace that meant that I would not have to pay the band even though I’d willingly, and stupidly, danced.

His plans were well-laid: I would have my time to grow up, to get all the wildness out of my system, to taste the fruits of the tree of knowledge, and suffer all consequences that would teach me, but not hurt me too seriously; then, when I’d finished school … university included … we would marry, have 4 kids, live in Berkeley, not far from his mother, and work to make the world a better place.

His determination toward this future was my touchstone and made all things possible.

On New Years Eve day 1967, Gary ran to the store to buy cigarettes for his mother … and himself, too, I’m sure, but that part of the story holds no guilt for anyone and wasn’t discussed. On the way home, a woman with 3 screaming kids in her Buick station wagon pulled out of a side road into the path of Gary on his Harley. She broadsided him, throwing the bike down, and Gary head first into a telephone pole. His neck was broken and he died instantly.

I wasn’t there for the aftermath, having been unceremoniously sent north to live with my mother, but will never forget the phone call from his brother that broke the news to me.

I still have the ring he gave me, but lost the drumsticks his mom insisted were meant for me … instruments of funny torture they’d been for years, but I can barely stand to remember those times, even now.

What he would have become is a question I ponder often … although so fully formed at 17 when we met that I can easily picture him pushing 60 … and what my life would have been like had I not been left to my own devices, and vices … by the following year I was pregnant and headed into a loveless marriage, shotgun-style … taunts me.

This will be the 41st new year that begins with him not in the world … the 40th that ends … and the world is poorer for the loss. For 41 years I have spent time with him on this day, remembering, wondering, and missing him.

Rest in peace, Gary. You live in my heart, and always will …