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Archive for the ‘WTF?’ Category

What sort of homosexuals DO you have in Iran, then, Mr. Ahmadinejad?

Posted in American thoughts, Celebrities, WTF?, Younger men, tagged , , , , , , , , on September 25, 2007| 4 Comments »

I like the Huff Post and go there a lot to check out the latest, almost never failing to find something that educates or amuses.

Because of where I live, however, I don’t get to take full advantage of the cool features today’s news providers offer like on-demand video. No, I just get the ‘quick read’ version and the headline.

On this occasion, that’s enough. Well, enough for blog fodder. I mean, really!, who can pass up as tempting a news canapé as Iran’s beady-eyed slip of a President announcing “We Don’t Have Homosexuals Like In Your Country”?

Okay, maybe one or three bloggers out of a zillion wouldn’t be tempted, but that wouldn’t be me on a Tuesday in paradise, especially when this pops up right after a read about the little git going on about the Holocaust being iffy and 9/11 deserved.

I will not, however, take issue with his pronouncement. Heck! I’ve never set foot in a Tehran Boy Bootie Bar, so what do I know for Persian Poofs?

He does invite speculation, though, doesn’t he? So, feel free to chime in any time with your own answers to the question Ahmadinejad begs: “What sort of homosexuals DO you have in Iran, then, Mr. President?”

I’m starting off with a guess that theirs are more likely to have facial hair, much like ours did in, say, the ’70’s when everyone wanted Freddy Mercury’s top lip hair. The style’s gone stale here, but they’re big on bristles in the Middle East.

Cross-dressing is probably not as big a turn-on for Iranian gay men, perhaps except for the chubby guys. After all, black IS more slimming than white.

I doubt that ‘outing’ is a big deal, either, since I understand that bum bumping with boys isn’t considered ‘homosexual activity’ — more a right of passage … so to speak. It’s not like repeated dips in the jeans pool is going to have anyone thinking you’re hiding something.

Could be that more Farsi Fags are married, and to more than one woman at a time even, and unlike American wives the gals aren’t likely to be tracking their hubbies down at dinner time and dragging their sorry asses home for their meat and two veg and quality family time with the kids. Hanging out with the boys day and night, night and day, is de rigueur, and what goes on between the buddies is no business of the biddies, so riding both the horse and the cow gets brownie points without the farm making the front page.

And that’s just a bit of speculation from me on the differences between American homosexuals and their counterparts in Iran. As I said, all additions are welcome, and anyone with first-hand information is encouraged to spill.

Hey! The president started this train wreck of thought, so we might as well go along with him.

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Captain Dan, the Demon Dwarf

Posted in Fun, WTF? on August 25, 2007| 1 Comment »

I apologize in advance for this post, but I just can’t help myself … this cracks me up, and I MUST share.

First, for attribution, the link.

Now, the copy:

A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.

Daniel Blackner, or “Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf”, was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances.

The main part of his act saw him appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member through a special attachment.

The attachment broke before the performance and Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately only let it dry for 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required.

He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and … hospitalisation.

“It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed A&E with a vacuum attached to me,” Blackner said.

“I just wished the ground could swallow me up. Luckily, they saw me quickly so the embarrassment was short-lived.”

Short-lived! Ha!

Any thoughts on what his act was supposed to be?

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Hate adoption? Need a dildo explained? See Jessica!

Posted in Adoption, Adoption Advocacy, WTF? on August 1, 2007| 25 Comments »

I wrote about Jessica DelBalzo … sorry, but that name makes me chuckle every time I write it … today on the Adoption News Blog, but I’m still so amused/annoyed that I feel the need to keep snickering at this moronic twit, so I’m doing a bit more of it here.

I’d written about her before, suggesting she was some hoax perpetuated on the Web by a sick mind that finds the idea of a website that sells … get this … anti-adoption-wear and products to go with — t-shirts, mouse pads, things like that … very funny.

Of course, I knew then that she was real enough, although I harbored strong doubt about how balanced she might be, and had lots of response from people who’d written her off years before as a kook.

Now, however, in an apparent effort to have yet something else to sell, she’s pushing a book through self-agrandizing press releases that try to sound as though someone other than the DelBalzo herself has written them, claims of acclaim and some strange personal hyping I really don’t see as being all that helpful.

Apparently at ease with flogging anything that will make her a buck, her Live Journal profile not only promotes her strangely vociferous anti-adoption stance, it also encourage folks to check out the site where she hawks adult sex toys.

Here’s her list of helpful hints she’s composed for consumption:

• Learning to Give an Erotic Massage
• How to Choose and Use Personal Lubricant
• Planning the Ultimate Bachelor Party
• Using Sex Toys to Get Out of a Sexual Rut
• The Five Best Sex Toys for Couples
• De-Stigmatizing Male Sex Toys
• Extreme Makeover — Bedroom Edition
• Orgasms with Sex Toys
• Fun with Condoms
• Sex Toys for Beginners
• Study Up for Spectacular Sex!
• Latex is for Lovers: Taking Fetish Fashion to the Extreme
• Bondage and Discipline: Turning Your Fantasy Into Reality
• Sexy Fashion Advice for Men
• Edibles in Action: Amazing Aphrodisiacs and Savory Sex Toys
• Enter from the Rear: Anal Sex Tips for Beginners
• How to Plan a Romantic Evening
• Leather Wear for Women: A Luxurious Indulgence
• Guys and Dolls: Fall For An Amazing Love Doll Tonight!
• Dildos for Everyone: Finding Your Perfect Match
• Love Potions that Work Like Magic
• Sexier Shoes, Sexier You!
• Caring for your Leather wear Restraints and Costumes
• Introduction to Enjoying Anal Sex With Toys
• Buying Adult Vibrators Information and Guide
• S&M Toys, Implements and Basic Usage
• Using a Cock Ring, Information on Cock Rings
• How to put on a Condom
• How to Wear and Care for your Latex Clothing
• Exploring Prostate Play with Sex Toys
• Masturbation Toys for Men
• How Do Penis Pumps and Enlargers Really Work?
• Red Hot Holiday Adult Sex Toy Gifts for Him
• Red Hot Holiday Sex Toy Gifts for Her
• Holiday Adult Sex Novelty Items
• Guide for Using Massage Oils & Lubricants.
• All you need to Know about Dildos

Rabidly anti-adoption AND knows all you need to know about dildos.

Gee … don’t we all want her at the table?

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Granny marries youngster … but is that the story?

Posted in Adoption, Older women, On getting older, Writing for a living, WTF?, Younger men on July 11, 2007| 5 Comments »

If you don’t already know this, I’ll share that one of the pro blogs I write is on the topic of adopting as an older parent.

Since I’m about to turn fifty-six and have a 4.75-year-old and a 2-year-old, I’m qualified to write about being a geezer mom. I try very hard not to make that blog all about ‘Oy, my achin’ this and that‘ to keep an encouraging tone for others considering heading their walkers down that path (That’s a “Zimmer frame” to British readers … which I apparently have now.), and in hopes of giving my kids something to look back on and be fooled into thinking I was hip and groovy well into my dotage.

In my daily perusal of newsal … trawling for blog fodder … I found a story that grabbed my attention, then held it long enough for me to spend some time wondering about someone else’s life and choices.

You see, I’m not just an older mom, I’m an older woman with a younger husband … not exactly a cradle robber, since Mark was 26 when we met at my 42nd birthday party — more like a bike thief in a ‘You-can-forget-about-ever-buying-a-motorcycle-now-Mister’ sort of way.

But back to the morning’s news …

Bopping around my usual haunts, I found this story coming out of the UK about a 51-year-old grandmother and her new husband, a mere slip of a lad of 27.

Ack! You might say. That certainly does warrant a news headline or two. After all, there’s almost a quarter of a century of long, hard years between that woman and her Toy Boy. Aside from the sex, what could they possibly have in common?

And well you might ask. Since her husband isn’t allowed into Britain, sex isn’t much of an issue, and they most certainly come from different backgrounds.

She’s a five-times married granny and respected parish councillor who lives in the village of Moulton in Oxfordshire.

He? Well, he was raised in Afghanistan and now runs a scrap metal business in the Saudi city of Jedda.

Although they are legally married after the blossoming of the holiday romance in Egypt, she continues to go by her previous married name Mrs. Jane Felix-Brown. Perhaps some day she’ll change it to match her husband’s, and officially become Mrs. Omar bin Laden.

Osama’s her father-in-law.

And to think some people are all het up about the age difference!

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Paris Hilton = Brain Death … be afraid!

Posted in Celebs, The USA from the outside in, WTF? on June 9, 2007| 2 Comments »

I am APPALLED!

Really, folks … can some please tell me WHAT IN THE HELL is going on in America these days?

When today’s perusal of the newsal pops up with this … the Huff Post’s report on Paris Hiltons’ failure to pitch a hissy grand enough to keep her out of jail … what can possibly follow but a jaw-drop, a head-scratch and a WTF?

I am suddenly so pleased that the loop in which this spoiled brat of a nothing special is focal only rolled into my world a few weeks ago … not being at all familiar with a Paris Hilton that isn’t a hotel … and can’t begin to comprehend, “… paparazzi sprinting in pursuit and helicopters broadcasting live from above …”.

Let me get this straight …

This pampered young woman, a life-long recipient of special favors and undue positive attention who may very well be accustomed to having staff whose job it is to take whatever punishment has been deserved since she was old enough to shout orders at underlings, gets busted.

She’s given parole. While on parole, she gets busted not once, but twice for the same dangerous and totally illegal behavior. A judge decides she’s just not grasping the whole consequences thing, so ups the ante by putting her in what is likely the first time out of her life.

Being that all this takes place in L.A. where every nobody would give their left leg to be a somebody, even if everybody agrees that nobody is ever all that impressed with anybody because they’re all so busy trying to impress everybody else so nobody is looking at anybody but the somebody everybody already knows, this modern-day ZhaZha (No offense … I could have easily used Charo, but she’s a bit too talented for the comparison.) had the opportunity to talk or blow or grease her way back to Mommy … or at least to Mommy’s big house with all those people there who do what they’re told.

Now, a judge … that’s a guy who’s in charge of laws and stuff, so therefore able to make decisions … sends her back to the pokey, apparently unimpressed by tears and tantrums (Wow! He must be really tough!), and the scene carries more media weight than global warming or the discovery of a new planet?

Huh?

As if it wasn’t disturbing enough to learn that my home country now worships at the feet of the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Simon Cowell … a dawning awareness that had me asking a few weeks ago, “What the hell are you thinking over there making mediocrity so lucrative?” … do I now have to start accepting the fact that my compatriots have completely substituted absolute rubbish for sustenance?

Any idea where that leads?

I’ll tell you where it leads, and it’s not pretty … it leads to mental starvation and brain death. Keep this up for much longer and you’ll soon be putting morons in the White House and getting yourselves involved in un-winnable wars.

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Breaking baby’s ribs: A fundamental right of biology?

Posted in Adoption, WTF? on June 3, 2007| 3 Comments »

The Ohio Supreme Court ruled last week that parents who seek to regain custody of children who’ve been placed in the care of others for their protection should have to prove that something has changed in the child’s life that would make placement back with them look like someone’s version of the right thing to do.

In a rather confusing story in The Cincinnati Post, the circumstances surrounding the placement of an infant with grandparents and the regaining of custody by parents years later is explained.

Apparently, the child, Brayden James, an infant at the time, was placed with his grandparents after being hospitalized for bruises and broken ribs inflicted by his parents.

Some years later, the parents argued that the part of the law that required them to show a change in circumstances was “unconstitutional because it deprived them of their fundamental right as the natural parents to raise their 8-year-old son”.

Excuse me?

Don’t know about how others might feel, but in my book breaking a baby’s ribs completely negates any rights, and anyone who does that … even if they take ‘parenting and anger management classes’ afterwards … do not get a second chance. That’s how kids end up dead.

And, as if giving birth should ever convey fundamental rights to natural parents. What the hell is that about? Giving birth is a biological function that produces a human being, not a pink slip of ownership.

As so often happens, the case has been going on for years, with a trial in 2004 ruling that Brayden be returned to his parents. The grandparents have taken it further, and the Supreme Court’s recent decision takes the position that a child’s stability should be placed above the demands of the natural parents.

“The clear intent of that statute is to spare children from a constant tug of war,” the 1997 ruling said.

The attorney for the parents is warning that the ruling “… will have a chilling effect on young parents seeking temporary custody arrangements for their children. He said the key element of the case was that his clients are Brayden’s parents, and the Hutchinson’s are not.”

I’d say, the key element is that his clients broke a baby’s ribs, and the Hutchinsons did not.

It would be interesting to be able to check back on this child from time to time.

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A Whale of a Tale?

Posted in American thoughts, WTF? on June 2, 2007| Leave a Comment »

Following the saga of the mother/child whale combo taking a detour in their migration to visit California’s capital takes me back.

I was living in Sacramento when the last humpback made the trip upriver and still feel privileged by the visit. That massive, intelligent presence made mince out of the ‘experts’ determined in their conviction that they knew more than he about where to go and what to do, but then, like now, it turned out that the whale ended up heading back out to sea when good and ready.

Of course, not every whale tale ends happily. Like all living creatures, whales die, and given the size of the part of themselves left behind the death looks dramatic.

Take for example a mid-May find on a Vietnamese beach near Da Nang … a seven-and-a-half foot long, 485 pound ‘white whale’ I’ve dubbed “Moby Dead”.Moby Dead

A blip of an article ends the few sentences covering the alleged find by saying the local fisherman who found the carcass buried it, “the same day according to their traditional customs.”

Even with the photo, I’m leery of this story … as leery as a river-traveling whale should be of guys with loudspeakers shouting who-knows-what down a tube upstream. (Seeing that no one really speaks fluent whale, the message could be very different from what’s meant.)

A local Vietnamese fisherman with a camera and motivation to get a story in the papers? And ‘traditional customs’ on whale funerals? Seems a bit odd that a fisherman would get all sensitive over what he would have to think of as just a big old dead fish. (Yes, I do know that whales are mammals, and perhaps I’m being a snotty elitist in assuming that rural citizens of developing countries may have more on their minds than classifications of animals, but that’s me this morning.)

Okay. Maybe.

But I wonder if this story isn’t just a bit too much like that giant dead pig Anderson Cooper is so fascinated with these days. You must know the one. If I’m hearing about that all the way over on this side of the planet on this smaller-than-a-giant-pig-sized island, I have to think y’all are sick to death of the big pig.

Anybody buy the pig story? And any thoughts on Ahab’s nemesis washing up near Da Nang?

I should send this to my dear friend, Roger Payne, he being THE whale guy in the world, and ask his opinion.

I think I will. Watch this space.

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That’s entertainment …?

Posted in Celebs, The USA from the outside in, WTF? on May 24, 2007| 1 Comment »

Since I’ve been out of touch with American pop culture for more than a decade, a headline in Forbes offering a look at the “best paid men in entertainment” drew me, as the thought of a concise look at who’s hot this year seemed a good way to catch up.

I was hoping for something that might explain who Demi Moore’s boyfriend is, or maybe drop a clue to leading men the world is salivating over that I should at least have heard of.

No such luck.

Spielberg, of course, I expected. When money and entertainment are mentioned together, that one-man blockbuster franchise has been at the top of the ticket for years.

George Lucas on the bill was a bit of a surprise, but apparently he’s still raking it in from past glories. Fair enough.

Tom Cruise. Well, yeah. And Denzel Washington? Okay. But these guys were all doing really well for themselves way back when while I was still in the real world.

Where were the new really rich, incredibly successful, amazingly popular show biz men?

And then they started popping up.

Simon Cowell. Dr. Phil. Howard Stern. Rush Limbaugh.

Ah wha … ah wha … ah hooey? Gasp. Choke.

Okay, Howard and Rush have been around a long time, but IN THE TOP 25 BEST PAID MEN IN ENTERTAINMENT? I don’t think so.

I remember Rush doing diet commercials on local TV in Sacramento … a fat fish in the small pond of KFBK listeners … and was stunned when his radio show went national. “Who the hell outside the Central Valley wants to listen to that blowhard?” I asked myself. And now he’s in the top 25?

And Howard Stern. Sure, edgy, hip and all, and I’m all for a guy being dedicated to his hair … but in the top 25 in ENTERTAINMENT?

And the other two? Paaaalease! I popped back to the home page just to make sure it was really Forbes I was reading and not a Mad Magazine parody.

Sorry, folks, but I have to ask …

What the hell are you thinking over there making mediocrity so lucrative?

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What’s with the tits?

Posted in WTF? on May 5, 2007| 18 Comments »

Ever notice how someone who’s had a boob job is always SO proud of the jugs they bought and paid for? Once the things are healed, it’s all plunging necklines and skimpy tops, and everything short of a belt with an arrow pointing up and epaulettes that read: Hey! Look at these knockers!

It’s not like a person with a new nose suddenly sports horned-rimmed specks and a bushy mustache in hopes that everyone will note the reformed schnoz.

I’m guessing even the multi-facelift freaks manage to half fool themselves into thinking no one notices the stretched expressions of perpetual surprise combined with that oh-so-recognizable post-surgical fish-like quality that is apparently supposed to mimic the dewy look of youth, and if anyone does note a difference in the visage they’ll chalk it up to a good night’s sleep and an extra dose of supplements.

New boobs, however, or the wearers of new boobs, demand attention. They stand up straight, point those puppies in your face and scream, “Gawk! We demand it!”

Perhaps it’s years of Titophilia that brings on this bizarre attraction for one’s own plastic mammaries. Have women who buy breasts been lusting after the bazooms of their friends through years of frustrated push-up bra use and isometric exercise? Does the sudden application of artificial hoo-has prompt an orgy of self-ogling forceful enough to cause whiplash that wants company?

Or maybe it’s an affluence thing … my boobs cost more than your boobs!

I don’t mind at all if someone wants to buy themselves a new rack, but I do find myself at a loss as to how to appropriately comment when they’re presented like John the Baptist’s head.

As a comfortable, secure heterosexual woman, I can appreciate the beauty of breasts on the female form, but don’t ask me to take one in the eye, thankyuouverymuch, and making much of much does grate.

So, how does one acknowledge what so obviously wants acknowledging?

How about, “I have a couple of those myself … “?

Plastic Boobs

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The rest of the world? No, thanks.

Posted in Seychelles, WTF? on April 21, 2007| 1 Comment »

I was just bitching about island life, its frustrations and power cuts … I hadn’t even reached the part about shortages and how sorely toilet paper can be missed … and the pervading mentality that has moving at the speed of slug (the mollusk, thankyouverymuch) driving me round the bend.

Well … I take it back.

After reading this about decaptiation by children in Pakistan … following on the heels of the VA Tech mayhem, of course … I’m suddenly happy as a clam in white wine.

A boy … he looks about 12, doesn’t he? … hacked a guy’s head off. It wasn’t even a case of a clean swipe — ta da!: lopped off and rolling. Nope. It took time and effort to finally separate the man’s head completely from the rest of him, and this kid was in no particular hurry to pull it off … so to speak.

So, I’ll take the unhurried, under-motivated, and noncommittal that comes with the Seychellois. I’ll find amusing the fact that most here are far too sloth-like to bother with violence, and way too squeamish to do much more than stomp on a baby hedgehog. (This I’ve seen, but won’t related the incident here. Too brutal.)

Yeah. I’ll stay where I am.

Beheading boy

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