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Archive for the ‘Writing for a living’ Category

As you see by the choice I made way back in the age when blogging meant knowing your HTML and I put Paradise Preoccupied up, I’m a fan of WordPress. Not only is it a stable blogging platform with cool themes that is simple to use and easy to navigate, it also provides stats that give a blogger some valuable info. Not only can I see how many people are reading, which posts attract, where people are coming from, what links they chose to follow, but a whole lot more.

One section of information is a day-to-day listing of search engine parameters … those words or phrases one types in when looking for something specific on the Net; interesting stuff, but I am often appalled by what leads to my writing.

Those who spend some time here on PP know that I’m far from prudish … shit, I swear like a fuckin’ sailor and blather on about unsavories when the mood strikes … but I don’t see myself catering to pervs. Perhaps, however, I’m floating down the river Denial.

People do find the blog by inputting my name, Paradise Preoccupied, adoption-related topics and fam affiliation, but what is more than odd is how often poorly spelled pleas for porn are Googled, and why the heck they send people my way?

Here are some examples of what pops up:

• girls pulling girls underwear out
• plastic boobs fail
• aside panties
• big panties
• plastic panties
• pedophile in paradise
• titty tether
• incest capital of britain
• tribe woman tits
• looking women in japan in panties
• long schlong
• titties on your face

I mean really! Who are these people?

It’s easy enough to suss out how my blog comes up in a search of some of these … my post on pulling on the big girl panties was provocatively titled, I know, and Panties Aside just aggravated the issue … but I’m at a loss to understand why some variation of “tits pointing up” appears almost daily — twice last Sunday.

Less salacious searches puzzle, too. How many people actually spend time looking for “the meaning of Scrabble”? (They’re sure to be disappointed with my answer.) And I apparently touched a nerve when titling a blog “Bill Mahre is hot, is he not?” since “Bill Mahre is hot” are words googled at least twice a week, as if a lot of folks are looking for confirmation of this irrefutable fact.

I get flack from some quarters for writing as often as I do on personal matters, but I swear on my iPad I have never claimed my tits point up.

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As mentioned in recent post, I have a tattoo on my wrist now that reads: Arcum tenderi Vertatum Dicere. It’s there to remind me as I work that writing true is a responsibility whether I’m writing fact or fiction.

Or even news.

There are rules to journalism, but once again a story from the BBC indicates that a rocko-socko headline, no matter how ridiculous, takes precedent.

Puts me in mind of a bit of Evelyn Waugh verse:

You cannot hope
to bribe or twist,
thank God! the
British journalist.

But, seeing what
the man will do
unbribed, there’s
no occasion to.

The headline that has me on this rant this morning?

Large waist size linked to ‘higher risk of death’

I’m not bothering to mention how annoying I find the BBC’s “compulsion” to wrap quotation marks around “random words” in headlines, as if “qualifying” their “shouts” makes them “less accountable” for “poor choices” and “lazy editing”, although I do find it “very annoying”.

What’s bugging me is the “higher risk of death” thing heading the piece and much of the copy that follows:

… very high waist measurements equivalent to UK size 24-26 in women and XXXXL in men appear to double the risk of mortality.

The study featured was conducted over a nine year period, so the research counted how many involved died over those years. Fine. There’s some science in that. So can we not be shouting from the rooftops that some folks have a “higher risk of death” than others?

Okay. I do understand that what they are trying to say is that obesity is known to cause health issues that may end up being the cause of death … perhaps “premature” death, meaning that extremely fat folks might live longer if they dropped tonnage.

BUT … that not what they write. Well … not until you crawl down the page a bit and fill in some of the blanks, and it becomes the reader’s job to figure out what the heck instead of the writer’s responsibility to clearly report what the heck.

Let’s get something straight … everyone dies, and everyone dies once, so there is no possibility of “doubling the risk of mortality”, at least not until someone gets a handle on that immortality thing and is able to put it on the market.

As ‘infotainment” contaminates more corners of journalism and consumers of “news” are dumbed down daily … outFoxed? … those who see the difference between reporting and appealing, enlightening vs entertaining, sense and sensationalism, should bust the chops of anyone paid to post pap and remind them that when they don’t understand what they’re writing about to ask more questions, because not doing so and simply writing what scans results in a “higher risk of disparagement”.

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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

BEST SELLING AUTHOR LAUNCHES NEW TRAVEL ANTHOLOGY/COOKBOOK AND HOSTS 24-HOUR GLOBAL DINNER PARTY

100% of royalties will be donated to fund scholarships to vocational schools for kids from the slums of New Delhi.

SEATTLE, WA (MAY 20, 2010) — Bestselling author Rita Golden Gelman launches Female Nomad and Friends: Tales of Breaking Free and Breaking Bread Around the World (A Three Rivers Press Original), June 1, 2010, in Seattle. Forty-one authors tell their stories of adventuring around the world; all but two of them are women. To celebrate the anthology and the special bonding that happens when people share a meal and a book, Rita is hosting a 24-hour global dinner, Connecting through Food, on Friday, June 18th. She hopes you’ll join her by giving a dinner in your home.

The Anthology/Cookbook is the sequel to Tales of a Female Nomad: Living at Large in the World (Crown Publishers, 2001) which tells the story of Rita’s selling her possessions and becoming a nomad—living in mud huts, in royal palaces, and on magical islands. She’s been a nomad for 23 years. Her story captivates readers; the book is still going strong. Ignoring a warning from her publisher, Rita included her e-mail address. The last line is: “I can’t wait to hear from you.” She was flooded with e-mails from readers worldwide who offered guest rooms, couches, meals…. and their own stories of connecting around the world. Many of those stories and more of Rita’s adventures are collected in Female Nomad and Friends, which includes 59 amazing tales and more than 30 fabulous international recipes.

“We’re encouraging people around the world to invite friends to buy the book, cook the recipes, and share a meal at our Global Dinner Party – Connecting through Food,” said Gelman. “In hundreds of homes, guests will be ‘talking’ to us about the stories and discussing the anthology as well as the food. We’ll post your videos, pictures, and comments on Facebook. Please join us.”

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This post would be more correctly titled “Why I’m not Writing for Myself”, since I am writing loads, but for others.

Social media management is one fragment of my fragmented life these days, so I’m facebooking and Tweeting and such anonymously for others, and find I don’t at all mind the mindlessness of pretending to be someone else who has something to gain from glib verbosity. In fact, I rather enjoy plucking words from air that I’m not wed to … that’s the words, not the air, since breathing still commands my days and nights.

For those who haven’t sussed out the diff between my English and Ernesto’s, I patrol his pages and respond to all varieties of the sycophantic and moony-eyed, as well as the truly-impressed-by-genius, who post.

(sycophante, or via Latin from Greek sukophantēs ‘informer,’ from sukon ‘fig’ + phainein ‘to show’ ; the association with informing against the illegal exportation of figs from ancient Athens (recorded by Plutarch) is not substantiated.)

I do likewise … but sans the figs and the emotional attachment … with other sites, to some advantage to all.

I should also be turning my attention to the fiction that stews and brews and begs fruition, but life gets in the way these days. The Spicemans nag daily. and notes, thoughts and more drift constantly upward, only to be squashed under drifts of real life.

So …

Could I be writing about law suits and the feckless ex and real estate sales and dog-chewed bumpers and my dealings with Cleo (Queen of Denial) and the bazillion ways I can’t process Jaren, and my mother’s decent, and the Kon Tiki of fam issues, and being stuck on a rock and needing a break?

Mon pa think so, mon ker.

I hold hope that some Vesuvius erupts … although this week that would have to be an Eyjafjallajokull … forcing a disgorging of petrified prose newly molten, steaming and demanding flow, but it ain’t happening today.

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How 'annoying'

Like millions these days, I go to my computer for news of the world. I have the great good fortune of not having access to Fox News, and although Seychelles Broadcasting Corporation does air five minutes in English every day, I don’t usually bother tuning in.

No longer the news junkie I once was … I made my living off TV news for a number of years and was hooked on the stuff … I’m no longer compelled to spend hours ingesting, then digesting every horror on the planet, but I do like to keep myself somewhat informed on events, trends and whatever rash of silliness breaks out in the mass media.

When Kokonet … my ISP that is actually not two fuzzy nuts connected by a string to a bike Gilligan pedals, but might as well be … allows a reasonably stable Internet connection, I hit news pages and glean.

One site that pops in front of me regularly is the BBC. With less glitz than CNN, and less substance than the newspapers, it offers up the predigested easily and, once one twigs to the inherent bias, the information there can be a good jumping-in point. I lived in the UK long enough to be have some interest in the country’s politics, and the slant on news from the US can convey a broader picture than is possible from the homegrown variety of blather.

I just wish they’d stop with the perpetual equivocation.

So many headlines on the BBC webpage hedge bets by putting some portion in quotes … or inverted commas, as the Brits say.

Lady Gaga ‘collapses’ before gig

.

Okay … maybe "collapse" is too strong a word for a circumstance the Lady herself describes thusly: "An hour before the show I was feeling dizzy and having trouble breathing … "

So, why doesn't the BBC just use words that would not require the ambiguity of quotes? How about, "Lady Gaga Concert Canceled Due to Ill Health"?

‘Police cancel’ China gay pageant

Did they, or didn’t they? Was it the police, or just some guys that may have been police? If the police DID cancel, what’s wrong with saying that?

And …

‘Three killed’ by Pakistan drone

What the ‘fuck’ are the ‘quotes’ for in this ‘headline’?

Okay. Rant over.

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Shells are tough ...

Shells are tough ...

In an attempt to light a fire under the part of my ass I write from … and, yes, that’s throwing a bone to critics, so feel free to chew away … I’ve set up a fan page on facebook for my work .

Here’s the link where readers can fan me, if they so choose.

I am well aware that I could be prying the top off a tin of burrowing invertebrates with this rather bold (for me) move, since there are a few of you out there who have been nagging relentlessly for me to produce more words linking together in one form or another and I am possibly inviting more of that sort of thing, but I need prodding.

Lest anyone get the idea that promoting myself in what feels a bit like a whimpering plea for validation … I mean REALLY!!! Fans???? … comes easy to me, well … it doesn’t.

Although I do love the facebookese that turned “friend” into a verb, asking to be fanned without the aid of breeze-making devices runs against the deepest of my grains. Administering Ernesto’s various sites for a while now has helped a bit, as I do see the value of putting information where people can get to it, but blathering on about the talents of another is far different than leading a cheering section aimed at me.

I’m tempted to say that I’ve swallowed my pride, but that seems the exact opposite of what setting up a fan page conveys, so I’ll simply let it stand and see how it goes; the point being to get work … and I do need more of that.

So … continuing in the vein that is trying to steer blood into the heart of my career, I’ll drop a hint like a sledgehammer: I write for money, so if anyone needs words and wants to pay for them … speeches, articles, web content, onesheets, bios, fairy tales, etc. … I am available for work and fanning.

Whew …

That was tough …

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Censorship has always been fractious and very often random, with one person’s yikes being another’s yipee.

Any look at lists of banned books will provoke a prolonged head scratch in thinking people … like the 1931 ban of “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” for its “…portrayal of anthropomorphized animals acting on the same level as humans”, that has to prompt questions on just what sort of drugs were popular in China at the time.

Lest anyone think that the world of wars over words has grown brighter lately, this recent offering about the American Library Association’s list for this year’s “Banned Book Week” might spell out that this is not the case.

Have folks not learned that wagging the naughty finger at art has the same effect on the market that a toreador’s cute butt in tight pants has on a bull? Or as Sherman Alexi, author of the oft-challenged “The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian” put it:

… the amazing thing is these banners never understand they are turning this book into a sacred treasure. We don’t write to try and be banned, but it is widely known in the [young adult] world, we love this shit.

You’ll excuse me, then, for the trill of thrill I sensed yesterday when a facebook friend and PP reader informed me that my post on pret a porte condoms in India got me banned in China.

Yep. Apparently the mention of the word “penis” … or maybe it was “schlong”, or possibly “survey” — who knows? … set up a chain reaction that caused clicking on a link to my blog to be a practice in finger futility.

How cool is THAT?

Here’s the ALA’s Top Ten most frequently challenged books of 2008:

1. And Tango Makes Three by Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell
Reasons: anti-ethnic, anti-family, homosexuality, religious viewpoint, unsuited to age group

2. His Dark Materials trilogy by Philip Pullman
Reasons: political viewpoint, religious viewpoint, violence

3. TTYL; TTFN; L8R, G8R series by Lauren Myracle
Reasons: offensive language, sexually explicit, unsuited to age group

4. Scary Stories series by Alvin Schwartz
Reasons: occult/satanism, religious viewpoint, violence

5. Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo Anaya
Reasons: occult/satanism, offensive language, religious viewpoint, sexually explicit, violence

6. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
Reasons: drugs, homosexuality, nudity, offensive language, sexually explicit, suicide, unsuited to age group

7. Gossip Girl series by Cecily von Ziegesar
Reasons: offensive language, sexually explicit, unsuited to age group

8. Uncle Bobby’s Wedding by Sarah S. Brannen
Reasons: homosexuality, unsuited to age group

9. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
Reasons: offensive language, sexually explicit, unsuited to age group

10. Flashcards of My Life by Charise Mericle Harper
Reasons: sexually explicit, unsuited to age group

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Please click here to fill out a few little boxes that may lead me out of some of my cluelessness …

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I did some bloggy housecleaning last night and accidentally deleted this post.
Forgive the rerun, but I like it and want to keep it up.

The moon is still a very long way from setting into the Indian Ocean, and so bright that it has dimmed my stars. The Big Dipper … upside-down on this side of the Equator, which is why here it is called the Plow … has lost its usual impact on the night sky, but is hanging before me, indicating, as always, North.

North … roots, history, family, Ernesto. I long for North, and sometimes the pull of that Pole is strong.

It’s the Southern Sky that covers me now, and has for thirteen years. I’ve grown to know it, and on mornings like this during the pause between darkness and dawn, I love it more than I ever recall loving a sky before.

Loving it, I worship.

Straight from my bed perched on the edge of sky, I rise, and naked I stretch out on my balcony and moonbathe. Even this grand and bright, this huge moon’s light brings no heat, unlike the golden sun that waits just over the island to brown my skin with its rays, but it pours through air that is amniotic … warm, wet, all-enfolding … and brushes my body with silver.

I would like to close my eyes and shine, but don’t want to miss a minute of the beauty before me, this gift of light, so I stare in wonder and search the moon’s well-known face that stares back at me and smiles.

Luna.

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Things have been far too factual on this blog for a while. It’s time for some fiction.

I wrote this a few days ago. Call me inspired.

Once upon a time …

Planet Real, third world from the star that powered the solar system, was a hostile world; one where no air existed, water was black and toxic, and everything that existed carried razor-sharp edges that drew blood and left those unfortunate enough to come in without a shell scraped and bruised and raw.

Most inhabitants were hatched complete with a leathery covering that soon hardened into interlocking titanium-hard plates covering any soft parts, even though those were few. The clanking of armor was the sound of the people, since they didn’t breathe and had only tiny, silent hearts, and as the population moved through their days they filtered the sound of scraping and grinding from their conscience minds and relied on shouts and clashes to communicate between themselves.

One hot summer’s day, an unusually pinkish egg began the humming that indicated the arrival of a new being on Real. Mutant in its color, there had been some thought to dropping it into the festering sea at the time it appeared, but it was a pretty thing, and it’s soft glow lit corners of the hatchery, so the masters kept it on, thinking, perhaps, it would never hum.

The humming, however, began normally enough with the typical monotone murmur that should increase in volume, but never vary, as the time grew near for a new being to be born. Soon, however, workers were amazed to hear the beginnings of shifts in tone that eventually built into a full-fledged song.

Fear struck hearts when the egg began to harmonize with its own birthing tone and reach into octaves never before heard on Real, and for a moment the panicked workers contemplated smashing the thing.

Before action could be taken, however, the being inside emerged, and the gathered crowd was stunned into stillness that stopped the grinding of their plates. In the silence, they saw that the princess was naked … nothing covered her pink softness … and gasping.

That she was a Princess was never a doubt … this could be seen clearly immediately. Whether or not she would survive, however, was questionable.

Running to the treasury, one worker gathered together an urn of precious air and a few drops of sweet water, then quickly returned and deposited the Princess into the mix and sealed the jar.

Over the course of the next months, a glass room was constructed. Air was manufactured especially for it and snowmelt was flown in from the distant poles, the only place on Real where freshness survived.

The Princess was decanted from her urn, it now growing into a bit of a tight fit, and sealed inside the glass room where she could live and breath and escape the wounds her soft skin would encounter with every move outside her protection.

More than fifty years passed, and aside from constant wishes that she had come into the world with a steel-hard casing, she was reasonably content with her lot. Her view changed often as she was carried from country to country and displayed for a public who could never have imagined a creature so vulnerable, and she grew to accept the grinding of plates as the indication of connection with others.

She even managed to love a few times through the glass, fully prepared for the time the shelled object of her affection would wander away and not return … an event that never failed to occur.

One day, while on exhibit in a distant land, she noticed someone staring intently from beneath the hard covering over his eyes, and she turned her gaze upon him. A soft light she’d never seen before, aside from when gazing at her reflection that bounced from her walls, radiated from him and warmed her in a way she had not known until that minute.

When, after hours, he walked away, she felt as though the air had left her crystal enclosure and she gasped and wondered how she would ever again breathe freely.

The next day, however, he returned … and the one after that and the one after that and the one after that.

Each time, he moved a bit closer to the polished surface of her cocoon, eventually reaching to touch, then stroke the glass. She, too, moved toward him, bathing in his light and imagining the sensation of his encased claws on her unprotected skin, knowing, though, that he could easily rip her to shreds.

Weeks were spent in contemplation … he of her, she of him … and soon their light began to mix, creating colors not seen before on Real. Some spectators thought this a dangerous turn of events, while others were simply amazed and enjoying the show.

A day began like others with him positioned against the glass on the outside and her pressed to the inside. On this day, however, he didn’t leave when the dark of night descended. Rather, he pushed himself ever harder against the glass as his light burned brighter and brighter … hers matching the illumination as they glowed and their colors melted together, then created sparks that reflected from the crystal cage from outside and inside.

The Princess cried when he stepped away, fear dimming her radiance and chilling her defenseless form, and she watched and waited.

And then the impossible happened.

Grasping the plate that covered his heart, he began working it back and forth, back and forth, until it came loose in his claw, then detached. With this silvery scale in hand, he approached the Princess, then dug the sharp end into glass and worked it into the surface. Over hours, he scraped and dug and sawed, the Princess always in his sight, until eventually he created a hole large enough for him to crawl through to her.

Once inside, he removed one claw and deftly replaced the glass and sealed his entrance behind him.

After weeks and months of longing, the Princess rushed to embrace the being, but he stopped her.

“Touch me, and bleed,” he said.

And then … “Wait.”

Slowly and carefully, he one-by-one removed the shell that had protected him for so long, casting aside each bit with little regard.

Wonder of wonders, beneath it all stood a Prince. A Prince of soft flesh with hands and fingers, not claws and scales, and eyes uncovered glowing with sable warmth and golden love.

“Now,” he said.

She stepped into his arms, and for the first time knew the touch of another, the feel of breath upon her skin and a heartbeat as strong and loud as her own.

For one hundred years they lived in comfort in their crystal palace, protected forever from the wounds of Planet Real, breathing air made colorful in the atmosphere they created, pulling each other close, touching, loving, making up for all the years the glass was sealed and the shell in place.

They are there still, the Princess and the Prince … only now they are King and Queen … and they dance to the music that pours from them and teaches their world to yearn for the day all shells will be cast aside.

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